Can We Just Talk?: My Intentions

Feb 16, 2020/Pinewood Church

Healthy relationships are either built by design or disregard.

Passage: James 4:1-3 CSB

What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don’t they come from your passions that wage war within you? 2 You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and wage war. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.

Pray:

Background:

I love the book of James. It’s so practical and straightforward. The purpose of the book is to expose hypocritical practices and teach right Christian behavior. The author is James, the brother of Jesus. One of the most prominent passages in the book is when James says “Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.” (2:18) He was not only a man of faith, but he was a faithful man. He believed that genuine faith will produce good works and a changed life.

In this passage we see James give clear guidance in how to live with proper motives and right intentions.

Title: My Intentions

Intention Definition: a thing intended; an aim or plan.

Everybody say “These are my intentions…”

What are your intentions?

If we’re being honest, intentions often get a bad wrap. This word usually shows up after someone has made a horrible decision or said something hurtful. Granted, the statement “that wasn’t my intentions” might be true, but it never really seems to relinquish the consequences of our actions.

Big Idea: Intentions are great, but when they don’t produce the results you want, you need to reexamine what you are doing. A lack of clear intentions creates a sequence of severe consequences. I want to help you define your intentions today and give you some biblical handles on how to set a clear plan of action in your relationships.

Let’s help to define the “I’m sorry, that was not my intentions” statement. And let’s take a step toward healthier relationships.

Decide don’t slide.

Illust: Sliding on ice. Clearing your driveway and sidewalk. When you prepare in advance you can prevent future pitfalls.

Compare, compromise, control, critical, and complacent.

Main Points: These are my intentions...

1. Comparison to Celebration
   1. 2 You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and wage war. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.
   2. Examples: “Why can’t we catch a break like the __________.”, “I wish I looked like _________”, “Maybe one day we’ll have flexibility in our schedules like the __________.”

   3. Have you ever had that friend that you don’t feel like you can share the big news with? That you got a raise, got a girlfriend, or got a promotion…

      1. If we don’t like to receive that response, then why do we so often portray that ourselves?
      2. The mentality of comparison Scripture says creates a war within.

      3. A war within you will inevitably lead to a war around you.

         4. Application: It’s impossible to “wage war” against someone you’re celebrating! I’m especially speaking to brothers and sisters in Christ. We should be known for fighting for each other, not with each other.

      4. When a church in Boulder has a building campaign to try and reach more people in this community, we celebrate that! We put action to what we say we believe.

         5. Comparison lowers your perspective and leads to envy, celebration raises your perspective and leads to contentment, joy, and fulfillment
         6. Casting judgement on other believers with partial evidence and potentially unkind motives is a sin and not the body of Christ living out their purpose on this earth.

      5. If we are called to unity, then let’s pursue unity to the BEST of our ability.

      6. Illust: My wife and I made this decision early in marriage
         7. “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony!” Psalms 133:1

      7. Compromise to Communication

         1. 4 You adulterous people! Don’t you know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? So whoever wants to be the friend of the world becomes the enemy of God.
         2. Examples: “I didn’t mean to slip again and cause you so much pain.”, “I didn’t mean to take it that far.”, or “How did we get here.”
         3. The Friendship Formula (Dr. Jack Schafer The Like Switch)

      8. Friendship = Proximity + Frequency + Duration + Intensity

      9. Now let’s unpack your relationships with this formula.

         1. Relationship with God: How close are you in your proximity to God? If you want to get close in proximity then you lean in to His Word and prayer. How frequently are you setting aside time to be with God? How long are you sitting in prayer? At what intensity are you pursuing a relationship with God?
         2. Relationship with people: What relationships are in close proximity in your life? How frequently are you spending time with those that sharpen you and build you up? What’s your intensity in conversations? Is it always shallow or do you go deep?
         3. I do this! I fall short here often!
         4. The best you is found in a crew. It’s crew week. If you commit to being in a crew then you are committing to the following formula for pursuing healthy relationships in your life.
            4. The first thing we see in the text is that God does not share loyalties. You either make a decision to be a friend to this world, or a friend to God.

      10. It’s out of your primary relationship with God that you can live out healthy relationships with others.

          5. The best way to prevent compromise is to communicate boundaries and expectations. “This is where God is calling me to go.”, “This is where my allegiance lies.”, “This is who God has called me to be.”

      11. Illust: early conversations with my wife. On the phone for house talking about our relationship with God and our calling.

      12. When you set clear expectations on the front end, then you can set clear boundaries to prevent you from compromise in the end.
      13. Always share those boundaries with people closest to you for personal and ongoing accountability

      14. Control to Confession

          1. 6 But he gives greater grace. Therefore he says: God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. 7 Therefore, submit to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
          2. Examples: “If you would be more loving then maybe I would be more thoughtful!”, “You need help!”, or “If you would be a different person then maybe we could make this work.”
          3. Do you believe that God can do more in a second of prayer than we can do in a lifetime of our own efforts? Confession and prayer takes our eyes off of our current problems and on the character and nature of God. As we begin to let go and release the grip, God begins to produce miracles in our lives that only He can accomplish.

      15. It’s been said that “The purpose of prayer is not to get man’s will done in heaven, but to get God’s will done on earth.”

          4. Illust: I can’t even begin to tell you all of the times where I have fought the battle of pride and arrogance in my relationships. If only I could get them to change, then maybe this can work.

      16. The most effective way to change someone is not through human effort, but through fervent confession and supplication.

          5. Confession leads to submission and produces healing and power in your life.

      17. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” - 1 John 1:9

      18. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect.” - James 5:16

          6. I have something in my eyes…

      19. “Why do you look at the splinter in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the beam of wood in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye,’ and look, there’s a beam of wood in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First take the beam of wood out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the splinter out of your brother’s eye.” - Matthew 7:3-5

      20. Before you try and control the people around you and condemn others behavior, first spend time examining and confessing your own sins. Then you will feel freedom from control and will start to experience the freedom in forgiveness.

      21. Critical to Complimentary

          1. 11 Don’t criticize one another, brothers and sisters.
          2. Examples: “I’m just a truth teller.”, “Did you hear about ________, I can’t believe he would say that.”, “The music was too loud, the sermon was too long, and the parking lot was muddy.”
          3. You will never lose helping someone else win.
          4. “Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10
          5. You may have a lot of enemies in this world, but none of them are in this room. We are going to be for you, walk the journey with you, and point you to Jesus!
          6. It’s easy to be a critic, it takes effort to be an encouragement.

      22. You need those people in your life that will pull the shine out of a cloudy diamond.

      23. You need those people in your circle that will stand up for you when the rest of the world is falsely accusing you.
      24. You need those people in your world that will crawl with you in the valley and run with you on the mountain top.
      25. “There’s more in you than you think!”, “You’re just getting started!”, “The best is yet to come!”
      26. Complacent to Committed
          1. 17 So it is sin to know the good and yet not do it.
          2. Examples: “It’s never going to get better.”, “It’s not worth it.”, “I’ll never have those kinds of relationships.”

Pray:

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