Can We Just Talk?: I Need You

3.8.20/Nevei Kodesh

ParkerIntro:

Tonight we’re going to be talking about marriage. I believe that there is going to be something for everyone tonight. If you are single or dating, then you need to know now what the Bible has to say about a healthy marriage. There’s no better time to learn about marriage, than before you are married. When is the best time to learn how to fly a plane? When you are on the ground… not in mid-flight. “Where’s the manual?!” That’s not an ideal situation am I right?

If you are married, then it’s not too late. Tonight is a great opportunity to lean in and receive what God has to say about marriage. We’re going to be sharing some foundational and practical truths about roles between the husband and the wife, and how these roles will lead you to a Spirit filled life and a God honoring marriage.

I want to first start by stating some facts...

Men & Women are EQUAL!

Men & Women have unique personalities, gifting, and abilities!

Men & Women are equally called & empowered by the Spirit of God!

Everything we are going to discuss today is for our good and God’s glory. I think it’s safe to say that we need help in marriages in our country. We need some practical handles of what God has called us to as husbands and wives. We believe that the Bible is the sole authority on marriage. That it was God’s idea, it was His creation. Therefore we look to God for answers.

We’re saving 10 minutes toward the end of the message for a Q&A. We’re going to answer 3 questions. There’s a number on the screen and you can text your questions at any point in the message.

JESS Background:

This is a letter from the Apostle Paul to the local church in Ephesus.

“Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by God’s will: To the faithful saints in Christ Jesus at Ephesus.” - Ephesians 1:1

This passage that we’re going to unpack tonight is specific to the saints, believers and followers of Jesus. And if you’re not a follower of Jesus, then some of the things mentioned may not make 100% sense. We would love to unpack these principles further and walk this journey of faith with you. Either way I believe there is going to be something for everyone tonight!

Passage: Ephesians 5:22-33 CSB

22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of his body.

31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

JESS Pray:

Title: I Need You

Main Points:

1. Roles

   1. Spirit Filled Wives

      1. Helper

         1. “18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him.” - Genesis 2:18

            1. “It is not good” the first not good moment in history
            2. “Helper” is the hebrew word Ezer (Aetzur)
            3. Ezer is not a word for the weak, but for the warrior.
            4. 20 times in the OT alone, 19 times is in reference to God.
            5. To say that “helper” is less than, is to say that God is less than.

            6. “I’m going to express myself through Spirit-filled wives!” - God 2. Question: How can you come alongside and bring strength and life to your husband?

            7. Some of the ways I’ve experienced Jess as my helper is when…

            8. When she speaks to my potential, not my pitfalls
            9. When she says who I am and not how I feel
            10. When she remain steadfast even in the middle of the storms

            11. When she prays for wisdom for me and trusts the Spirit to move in my life 3. Story: Has anyone ever experienced someone coming up and saying “Can I help you?” You would never say in response “You’re so weak.” NOWAY. It’s always more like “Yes! Where have you been all my life! I need you!”

            12. This takes seeing people.

            13. Caring for people.

            14. Knowing people. 4. Being the helper is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. 2. Submission
                1. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord,” Eph 5:22 2. Submission not servitude.

            15. This is not becoming a yes woman that lives as a slave in your home. This is not a command for you to serve hand in foot delivering refills at the diner table.

            16. This is a call to the wife to submit to the leadership of the husband as one desiring to love her and honor God. 3. God First

            17. “Therefore, submit to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” - James 4:7

            18. Our first submission is to God.
            19. Question: What about husbands that don’t lead well and obey God’s Word?
            20. “In the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the word, they may be won over without a word by the way their wives live when they observe your pure, reverent lives. Don’t let your beauty consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and wearing gold jewelry or fine clothes, but rather what is inside the heart—the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For in the past, the holy women who put their hope in God also adorned themselves in this way, submitting to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children when you do what is good and do not fear any intimidation.” - 1 Peter 3:1-6

            21. “Or do you despise the riches of his kindness, restraint, and patience, not recognizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” - Romans 2:4 4. Duty vs. Delight

            22. Spirit fill submission should never be a duty, it should be our delight to trust and obey God’s Word. 5. Submit to one another

            23. “18 And don’t get drunk with wine, which leads to reckless living, but be filled by the Spirit: 19 speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music with your heart to the Lord, 20 giving thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.” - Ephesians 5:18-21 6. What about abuse?

            24. If you are living in an abusive situation, it is not God’s desire or design for you to remain in that situation. You should seek immediate help to remove yourself from that situation and find biblical counsel to guide you through your healing and decision making process. And as best as we can we will stand with you and God’s grace will see you through. 3. Respect
                1. “To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.” - Ephesians 5:33 CSB 2. The one closest to you has the greatest power to either bring life or death. They know your weaknesses and greatest pitfalls. 3. “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a wife who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.” - Proverbs 12:4

                2. Spirit Filled Husbands

      2. Story: Early on in marriage what I perceived a leading husband looked like.

      3. I think we have taken this passage 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. And men I think it is looked at how can I make this passage into a checklist. If I say the right thing, do the right thing, check check check. I will just do enough in my home to keep the peace, meet the standard (happy wife, happy life mentality).

      4. Leadership

         1. Story:
            1. How many of you are like I was going He isn’t leading me well bc he isn’t praying with me everyday, opening Scripture with me, check check check… ? Men and women alike lets release our husbands of a checklist and watch as they learn to lead us by serving.

         2. Serving not Dictating: The universal language of love is service.The greatest leader that has ever existed was Jesus. He led by serving others, the best leadership is servant leadership not dictatorship.

            1. You’re not called to be the solution, you’re called to be a servant. Jesus washing the disciples feet, he didn’t solution the dirt road, no he just washed their feet.
            2. God didn’t call the husband to lead with an iron fist but hands that serve.
            3. God didn’t call the man to lead with a book of rules but the Word of the Lord.
            4. God didn’t call men to lead by putting women down but by building them up and speaking into their potential their purpose. This is how Jesus led. 3. I am so thankful that God trumped my idea of how I believed Parker should lead me, bc what I ultimately found was that His life leads me. How he loves our kids through serving, how he loves me by giving grace and forgiveness when I don’t deserve it, how he time and time again nurtures my heart through intentional moments of love and service. I’ll never forget some of these moments, one being when my dad was sick and Parker just showed up. He leads me by showing up, he leads me by forgiving me, he leads me by serving me, he leads me by loving me time and time again. And this is how Jesus loves us! 4. The point is not perfection. It’s growing together. Women sometimes we need to back up and let them try new things, lead our homes. And us not nit pick every little thing and become a safe place for them to lead us. 5. Women, Practicing letting them lead in the littles things will help them lead in the bigger things. (parking spots) 6. Take a minute to honor the men in the house that are still on the journey of faith and discovering… I want to speak life and potential over you. You’re not going to stay where you are but really when you say yes to Jesus you get all the benefits that come with Him. He will mold and make you into the best leader, He will shape you, He will allow you to become to your potential. 4. Sacrifice

         3. Sacrifice looks like putting the other before yourself. Isn’t this counterculture to what the world tells us to do? The world says it’s all about me, but what God shows us by how He loves and serves His church his people, He was the ultimate sacrifice for US (His church). He gave so that we could have life. Did we deserve it NO.

         4. Men you don’t sacrifice and put the other before yourself out of a deserving mentality but out of a love mentality.
         5. Sacrifice looks like laying down your preference for her purpose, your desires for her destiny.

         6. To the one who is struggling to sacrificial give and serve because you’re saying you don’t know my life or my wife… I want to tell you that Jesus didn’t give up on you! Keep putting her first and just see what God does. 5. Love

         7. Guys it’s a mystery to learn how to love a woman. A mystery worth figuring out. Don’t feel like you have to go alone! You’re going to win when you’re fully surrendered to God and not walk away from trying! When you walk through these doors you have examples all around you of men who are leading and loving well. Don’t go alone!

         8. Story of the mystery of Parker learning how to love me well. Am I right babe it’s been a journey to figure out how to love me? So what does he do, he keeps trying. He doesn’t give up. And women We are called to be their helpers. We have words to communicate how we desire for them to love us well…
         9. Next week love languages, love and respect, and how to handle conflict. You’re not going to want to miss it.

2. Things we’ve learned along the journey

   1. Dialogue daily, date weekly, depart quarterly
   2. Don’t compare, don’t compete, do compliment
   3. Sex on the regular
   4. You can have control or you can have intimacy, but you can’t have both
   5. God first, spouse second, kids third, everyone else. The order matters
3. Q&R: 10 minutes

1) How is should a marriage be influenced or not influenced by extended family (parents, siblings, etc.)?

2) God invented marriage, what about marriages that failed? Where is God in divorce?

3) How do these roles play out in dating? Or singleness?

4) Can I marry someone who is does not have faith? How does this look if my husband or wife doesn’t believe?

5) How should we respond when our spouse is not fulfilling their role? How to we have grace in that but also keep them accountable?