Hurt People Hurt People: The Wound Beneath The Reaction

February 1st, 2026/Seventh Day Adventist

Intro:

If you have been in relationships longer than five minutes, you already know this is true: sometimes the moment is small, but your reaction is HUGE. Something minor happens, a comment, a tone, a look, a little bit of criticism, a tiny disappointment, and suddenly you are not responding to what happened. You are responding to something deeper. You are responding to a wound.

Some of you have walked out of moments thinking, why did I say that like that?

Why did I snap?

Why did I shut down?

Why did I get so defensive?

Why did I have to win?

Why did I have to prove myself?

Why did I go cold?

Why did I go quiet?

Why did I immediately assume the worst?

And you might not say it out loud, but you have thought it. I have thought it. “I do not like who I become sometimes.”

Illust: The Argument in Your Head

Have you ever had a conversation in your head that was so convincing, you got mad at someone before they even said anything?

You are driving, you are showering, you are making coffee, and you are having a whole argument with a person who is not even there. Then you walk into the room with an attitude like, go ahead, say it, I know what you are thinking! They are like, hey, how was your day? And you are like, fine. They are like, that does not sound fine. And you are like, I am just tired. You are not tired, you have been in court all afternoon and you sentenced them to life in prison for something they have not even done yet.

Application: That is funny, but it is also revealing. Because it shows how quickly the heart can fill in the blanks. It shows how much our internal world is shaping our external world.

And the goal of this series is not for you to feel shame. The goal is for you to get free. Because if we do not let Jesus heal what is underneath, we will eventually bleed on people who did not cut us.

Passage: Luke 6:43-45 CSB

43 “A good tree doesn’t produce bad fruit; on the other hand, a bad tree doesn’t produce good fruit. 44 For each tree is known by its own fruit. Figs aren’t gathered from thornbushes, or grapes picked from a bramble bush. 45 A good person produces good out of the good stored up in his heart. An evil person produces evil out of the evil stored up in his heart, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.

Jesus gives us a framework that is so simple, but it is so penetrating.

Jesus says that a good tree does not produce bad fruit, and a bad tree does not produce good fruit. He says you recognize a tree by its fruit.

Jesus is saying, your fruit is telling a story about your roots. Your reaction is telling a story about your heart.

Then He lands the line that I want you to hear as the backbone of this whole message: the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart. Or as it says in the NKJV “For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

Illust: What happens when you squeeze an apple? You get…

What about when you squeeze an orange? You get…

What about when you squeeze grapes? You get… WINE!

What happens when something squeezes you?

When the pressure of life feels crushing?

When relationships get hard?

When circumstances start to feel overwhelming?

PAUSE 7 Seconds

Proverbs 4:23 says “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.”

Not the source of some of your life. The source of life. Meaning, whatever is going on in here will eventually show up out here. If the heart is full of peace, it will show. If the heart is full of fear, it will show. If the heart is full of security, it will show. If the heart is full of insecurity, it will show. If the heart is full of healing, it will show. If the heart is full of unhealed pain, it will show.

Our reactions reveal what has been stored in our hearts. Jesus names good and evil. Here’s how I’d apply that: unhealed wounds get stored there too, and they eventually leak out.

And this is why some of you keep saying, I do not want to be like this. But I do not know how to stop.

You’ve got to name it, to tame it. What stays hidden cannot be healed! You’ve got to bring it to the light.

Story of Saul: Potential Without Healing

Saul was Israel’s first king, chosen by God, anointed by the prophet Samuel, and empowered to lead God’s people. He started with calling, authority, and promise… but over time, unresolved wounds began to shape his leadership and his relationships.

Saul is a warning to every person who avoids the inner work. Saul is the picture of what happens when someone keeps trying to manage fruit while ignoring roots. Saul shows us what it looks like when wounds go unchecked, and how quickly those wounds turn into weapons that hurt other people.

If you want the storyline, we are going to lean especially on 1 Samuel 18 and the chapters around it.

Passage: Samuel 18:6-9

6 As the troops were coming back, when David was returning from killing the Philistine, the women came out from all the cities of Israel to meet King Saul, singing and dancing with tambourines, with shouts of joy, and with three-stringed instruments. 7 As they danced, the women sang: Saul has killed his thousands, but David his tens of thousands.

8 Saul was furious and resented this song. “They credited tens of thousands to David,” he complained, “but they only credited me with thousands. What more can he have but the kingdom?” 9 So Saul watched David jealously from that day forward.

Here is the part of Saul that messes with people. Saul started with a calling. Saul had moments of courage. Saul had moments where God moved on him. Saul was chosen. Saul was anointed. Saul had a purpose. Which means this is not a story about an evil man with no chance. This is a story about a person who had so much potential, but refused to let God heal what was broken inside.

Question: So what is Saul’s wound?

The text says Saul was furious and jealous, and later that he was afraid of David because the Lord was with David. We can’t see everything in Saul’s heart. But here’s how I’d read it: Saul’s wound is insecurity, and it is fueled by comparison. Saul is a man who does not know who he is when the crowd is not clapping.

Saul is a man whose identity is built on approval, not on calling.

Saul is the kind of person who can obey God in public and still be terrified in private. Saul is the kind of person who can look strong on the outside and be crumbling on the inside.

And once you see that, Saul starts making sense.

The Song that Broke the King:

In 1 Samuel 18, the women come out and they are celebrating. They sing, Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.

Now pause. If you are Saul, how do you hear that?

A healed man hears celebration and says, praise God, we are winning.

A wounded man hears celebration and says, I am being replaced.

Application: Every reaction is telling a bigger story. Every reaction should cause you to pause and think why did I respond that way? Why did they respond that way?

Just yesterday there was a lady responding terribly to a post on instagram, instead of getting upset I simply asked “You seem to be very upset, is everything ok? It feels like there’s a deeper issue that I would love to understand.”

Wounds show up when…

Wounds show up when something touches your identity. Wounds show up when you feel threatened. Wounds show up when you feel unseen. Wounds show up when you feel compared.

Scripture says Saul becomes angry. Saul is very displeased. Then it says something that should make every one of us pause. From that day on, Saul kept his eye on David.

That is not just a detail. That is a diagnosis.

A wounded heart cannot celebrate someone else. A wounded heart cannot share a spotlight. A wounded heart cannot live in gratitude. A wounded heart becomes a surveillance system. Saul starts tracking. Saul starts watching. Saul starts assuming. Saul starts interpreting everything through the lens of fear.

Illust: Fear Makes You a Detective

Have you ever noticed how fear makes you a detective? When you are insecure, you start collecting evidence. You start reading tone. You start measuring silence. You start watching who liked what. You start replaying that sentence. You start saying, what did they mean by that. And you are not doing it because you are curious. You are doing it because you are wounded.

This becomes increasingly true when reading text messages. :) You start to read WAY too much into every line. “They didn’t ask how I’m doing.”, “They seem short”, “Why didn’t they text me?”

Application: Wounds Grow Legs

So what is Saul’s reaction? Saul’s reaction is jealousy, but jealousy does not stay jealousy. Jealousy grows legs.

It turns into control. Then it turns into aggression. Then it turns into violence.

The Bible says Saul throws a spear at David. Let that sink in. The man who should be celebrating the victory is now trying to kill the person God used to bring the victory. The man who should be protecting the next generation is now threatened by the next generation.

THE DEEP QUESTION: “Why?”

And this is where I want to lean in and ask the question that changes the room. Why? Why does Saul do this?

Is it because David is trying to steal the throne? Not at this point. David is not campaigning. David is serving.

Is it because Saul is just a bad guy? That is too shallow.

Saul’s spear is not really aimed at David. Saul’s spear is aimed at the fear inside Saul. Saul is trying to kill what he feels. Saul is trying to regain control of an identity that he cannot hold together.

That is what wounds do. Unhealed wounds make you overreact to protect a version of yourself you are terrified of losing.

Questions:

Now let me ask you some questions and I want you to be honest, not with me, but with God.

When do you feel threatened?

What kind of person triggers your insecurity?

When someone is confident.

When someone is successful.

When someone gets attention.

When someone is praised.

When someone is liked.

When someone is included.

When someone is chosen.

Where do you become controlling?

Where do you become sharp?

Where do you get sarcastic?

Where do you get passive aggressive?

Where do you go quiet as a punishment?

Where do you shut down?

Where do you withhold affection? Where do you have to win?

Where do you need the last word?

That fruit is not random. That fruit is revealing something.

Here is what Saul teaches us if we will let him.

Saul shows us that you can be anointed and still insecure.

Saul shows us that you can be used by God and still be unhealed.

Saul shows us that you can have a calling on your life and still be driven by fear.

And Saul shows us something else that is deeply sobering. Wounds do not just hurt the wounded person. Wounds hurt everyone around the wounded person.

Saul’s wound makes the whole house unsafe. Think about it. When Saul is spiraling, everybody is affected.

David is affected.

Jonathan is affected.

Michal is affected.

The army is affected.

The nation is affected.

Saul’s inner world becomes the weather system for everyone around him.

This is why this series matters. Because hurt people do not only hurt themselves. Hurt people hurt people.

And we live in a generation where there is a lot of hurt, pain, and deep wounds that are being masked by scrolling, numbing, and suppressing. It’s time to address the thing that’s been hidden, it’s time to bring to light the deeper issue.

This is not about shame, this is about healing!

Jesus is not trying to shame you. He is trying to heal you. And healing often begins with a sentence like, I do not know why this is hitting me so hard.

So let’s go back to Saul and go even deeper. The tragedy of Saul is not that he had a wound. Everybody has wounds. The tragedy is that Saul refuses to bring the wound into the light where God can heal it.

Saul never stops to ask, why does praise make me panic. Saul never stops to ask, why do I need to be the center. Saul never stops to ask, why do I feel like I am losing myself when someone else is winning. Saul never stops to ask, why am I threatened by the blessing of God in someone else.

And because he never does the inner work, he starts doing outer damage.

You might say, okay, but what does that have to do with my life. I am not throwing spears.

Maybe not literal spears, but some of you have thrown words that pierced.

Some of you have thrown silence that was punishing.

Some of you have thrown suspicion that poisoned.

Some of you have thrown anger that scared your kids.

Some of you have thrown blame that crushed intimacy.

Some of you have thrown control that suffocated a relationship.

And here is the part that matters. Most of the time, you were not reacting to them. You were reacting to something in you.

Pain that is hidden does not get healed. Pain that is hidden gets empowered.

Gospel Invitation:

Now, let’s turn to our only hope.

Because if we stop here, we have only diagnosed the problem. The gospel does more than diagnose. The gospel heals.

In Genesis 3, Adam and Eve sin. And what is the first relational move they make after sin enters the story.

They hide.

They hide from God.

They hide from each other.

They cover themselves.

They isolate.

They distance.

They manage appearances.

And God comes walking in the garden and asks one of the most important questions in the whole Bible.

Where are you?

Not because He does not know. The text doesn’t tell us why He asks. But here’s what I see in it: healing starts with honesty. Healing starts with owning where you are!

What broke in the garden was not only innocence. What broke in the garden was access. What broke in the garden was intimacy. What broke in the garden was safety. What broke in the garden was openness.

And the entire story of Scripture is God moving toward hiding people.

God moves toward Adam and Eve in the garden.

God moves toward Jacob when he is running.

God moves toward Moses when he is afraid.

God moves toward David when he is broken.

God moves toward Elijah when he is exhausted.

And God moves toward you.

What Adam and Eve could not fix, Jesus came to redeem.

What sin shattered, the blood restores.

What shame covered, the cross uncovers with grace.

What fear distorts, Jesus heals with love.

What isolation created, God restores through presence.

The question in the garden was, where are you?

And the answer of the gospel is, I am right here.

I am right here in your pain.
I am right here in your fear.
I am right here in your shame.
I am right here in the places you have tried to hide.

And if you will let Him, Jesus will not only forgive what you have done. He will heal what has been done to you.

He will heal what you have buried. He will heal what you have normalized. He will heal what you have been coping with. He will heal the wound beneath the reaction.

This is why Psalm 147:3 says He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Not shames them. Not condemns them. Not tells them to get over it. He heals them.

So here is what I want to do as we close.

I want to invite you out of hiding. I want to invite you out of denial. I want to invite you out of managing fruit while roots stay untouched. I want to invite you into the presence of a Savior who is not intimidated by your pain and not disgusted by your mess.

And I want to ask you the question God asked in the garden, because the Spirit is asking it now.

Where are you?

Where are you really?

Because the moment you answer that with honesty, healing begins.

Some of you need to say, I am hurt and I have been pretending I am fine.
Some of you need to say, I am angry and I do not even know why.
Some of you need to say, I am scared and I have been controlling everybody to calm myself down.
Some of you need to say, I am ashamed and I have been hiding behind jokes, busyness, and spiritual language.
Some of you need to say, I have been wounded, and my wound has been writing my relationships.

And as this series begins, I want you to know what we are believing in. We are believing that God will heal what has been hidden, so you stop bleeding on the people you love. We are believing that the Spirit will touch the places you have avoided. We believe that the cycle stops with you. We believe that your home becomes safer. We believe that your marriage becomes softer. We believe that your parenting becomes more patient. We believe that your friendships become healthier. We believe that you stop reacting from wounds, and you start responding from healing.

Pray