Hurt People Hurt People: Build Your Avengers

February 15th, 2026/Seventh Day Adventist

OPENING – WHY YOU CAN’T HEAL ALONE

Over the last couple of weeks we’ve been doing some deep work together. We’ve talked about wounds, reactions, and unforgiveness. And if you’ve been here, you know… this has been a series where we’ve had to do some deep work.

So today I want to shift the tone just a bit. Today is about hope, strategy, and movement. Because once you recognize the wound… once you start letting God heal what’s been buried… the next question becomes:

How do I actually get healthy?
How do I stay healthy?
How do I move forward?

And here’s the big question for today:

Question: “Why Can’t I Heal Alone?”

Why can’t I just heal on my own?
Why can’t I just pray more?
Why can’t I just read my Bible more?
Why can’t I just be stronger?
Why do I need people?

And here’s the honest answer: Because God designed healing to happen in community. God is the ultimate healer. But He rarely heals us in isolation. You can encounter God alone. You can pray, journal, and worship alone. But deep, sustained, whole-person healing
almost always happens with the help of others.

Story: I learned this the hard way. There was a season in my life when I realized something wasn’t right internally. I wasn’t mentally healthy. I’ve struggled with anxiety, OCD, and a cocktail of other challenges since I was a small kid. There was a period of my childhood where I threw up every day for about 3 years. Not because of a physical illness, but a mental one.

Coming out of COVID was the beginning of the healing journey for me as an adult, it was the first time I looked at my bride and said “I’m not ok.”. I was functioning… but not whole.

Then fast forward to this past fall and I had to come face to face with a lot of the challenges that I had masked. Challenges that up till this point I had been able to just cope and live in silent agony. I also turned the big 40.

And I had a choice. Casually pursue healing… or go after healing with everything I had. So I made a decision. I needed to build my Avengers.

When I say that, people laugh at first. They think I’m joking. But then they realize… I’m completely serious. I didn’t just need encouragement. I needed a team. People that would come alongside me spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and relationally. Not a casual support system, but a strategic one.

Because if you’re going to become whole, you cannot do it alone.

Passage:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says:

9 Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. 10 For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. 11 Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm; but how can one person alone keep warm? 12 And if someone overpowers one person, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not easily broken.

This isn’t just poetry.
This is wisdom.

Explanation:

Here’s what Solomon is showing us.

The right team multiplies what’s good in your life, lifts you when you’re weak, and helps protect you when life hits hard.

A healthy team produces good rewards, has people who can pick you up when you fall, and stands with you against what’s trying to take you out.

That’s why healing and wholeness were never meant to happen alone.

Here’s how I’d apply that:

You were not designed to do life alone.
You were not designed to heal alone.

You were not designed to fight alone.

Two are better than one.
Not because you’re weak.
Because you’re human.

And then it says a cord of three strands is not easily broken.
The verse doesn’t name the third strand. Here’s how I’d apply it: when God and people are woven together in your life,
there is a strength you cannot generate by yourself.

So today we’re talking about this:

Title: BUILD YOUR AVENGERS

If you want to become who God called you to be,
you have to build the right team around your life.

And let me say this early so no one gets weird.

Not everyone in this room is on your Avengers team.

You can love everyone and still be wise about who has access.

Main Points:

1. Healing Is A Team Sport

Let me say it plainly.

Healing is a team sport.

Let me say it another way.

Healing is a team sport.

And you already believe this in every other area of life.

• If your car breaks down, you don’t stand over the engine quoting Scripture. You call a mechanic.
• If your knee blows out, you don’t just rebuke it and keep running. You call a doctor. Maybe a physical therapist. Maybe somebody who knows what they’re doing.
• If your house catches on fire, you don’t journal about your feelings. You call the fire department.
• But when it comes to our soul… our emotional health… our mental health… our relational health… we suddenly act like asking for help is failure.

It’s not failure. It’s wisdom.

Pain has a lie it whispers to all of us.
And the lie is this: “You’re safer alone.”

You’re not safer. You’re just unchallenged. Unprotected. Isolated.

Isolation doesn’t heal wounds.
Isolation hides wounds.

And hidden wounds don’t heal.
They just slowly erode over time.

They show up in reactions.
They show up in our tone.
They show up in anxiety.
They show up in control.
They show up in depression.

If you’re going to become whole, you have to build your Avengers.

Now before someone hears this wrong…

• This is not about becoming emotionally dependent on everyone around you.
• This is not about becoming a relationship consumer… or life sucker.
• This is not about turning people into your personal support staff.

We’re going to talk about healthy, biblical, and whole-person team building. But first we have to start here:

2. God Is The Captain, Not Just On The Team

Illust: Did you ever grow up playing sports and then the people would collectively choose team captains. This captain would be in charge of choosing the team. I always loved being the team captain, I’d strategically build it with 2-3 all stars and then that 1 kid that I knew nobody would pick. I always felt bad for that kid, nobody wants to be picked last.

Before we talk about people, we have to talk about God.

Because this message could easily turn into self-help Christianity if we’re not careful. Let me be clear, God is the healer. God is the source of life. God is the restorer. God is the one who binds up wounds.

We have read this passage every week, but I think it is a grounding passage for us in this series, it’s Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

So this is not a sermon about replacing God with people.
This is a sermon about partnering with God and receiving His healing through the ways He designed. And we need to say this clearly: The Trinity is above the team. The Father. The Son. The Holy Spirit. They are not just one piece of your support system. They are the wisdom that is desperately needed on the journey. They specialize in healing that which is broken. They are the power and strength needed to persevere.

But God often heals strategically through people. Think about how God works.

• God could have dropped the Bible out of heaven fully printed. He didn’t. He used authors. Communities. Teachers. The Church.
• God could have discipled you privately forever. He didn’t. He placed you in a body of believers.
• God could grow you in isolation.
  He doesn’t. He grows you in relationship.

So if you want wholeness, don’t just pray for healing.

Ask God for wisdom in building the right team.

Because healing isn’t just spiritual. It’s whole-person.

There’s 5 aspects of health and wholeness that’s needed:

1. Spiritual.
2. Mental.
3. Emotional.
4. Physical.
5. Relational.

And if you ignore one of those areas, it will eventually affect the others. That’s why you need your Avengers.

And that leads us to something we have to talk about honestly.

3. Building Your Avengers Requires Initiative And Exchange

This is where some of us get exposed… lovingly. A lot of people say they need support. They say they need community. They say they need help. But then they don’t send the text. They don’t make the call. They don’t schedule the meeting. They don’t follow up. They don’t open up. And then later they say, “Yeah… nobody was really there for me.”

Now sometimes that’s true. Sometimes people fail us. We’ve all been there. Sometimes community falls short.

But sometimes, if we’re honest, people weren’t there because we never really let them in. We hinted. We stayed vague. We kept it surface level. We kept it spiritual. We said things like: “Just going through a lot.”, “I’m fine though.”, “Pray for me.”, or “I’ll be okay.” And we expected people to read our minds.

Building your Avengers requires honesty, clarity, and initiative. You don’t just hope for support. You invite it. And building your Avengers does not mean you become a relationship sucker. You know what I mean by that. Somebody who only calls when they need something. Only shows up when they’re struggling. Only texts when life is falling apart. That’s not team building. That’s relationship consuming. Or said plainly… that’s just selfish.

Healthy support is relational exchange. Now exchange doesn’t always mean equal. There are seasons where you need more than you give. That’s okay. We carry each other. But healthy teams involve mutual investment, encouragement, prayer, and presence.

Teams fall apart when one person treats everyone else like a vending machine. You can’t keep pressing everyone's buttons all the time and wonder why it’s hard to keep people around. (Get it, dad joke)

So here’s the question for you today:

Are you actually building your Avengers?
Or are you waiting for people to rescue you without ever letting them truly see where you are?

Because healing requires participation. Not just prayer. Participation. And if you’re going to build wisely, you have to look at the model Jesus gave us.

4. The Jesus Model: Circles, Not Chaos

Sometimes we talk about Jesus building a team like it was just a ministry strategy. But before the twelve, before the crowds, before the miracles, Jesus existed for all eternity in perfect relationship within the Trinity. Father, Son, and Spirit. Meaning this: community is not a human invention. It’s a reflection of God Himself. So when Jesus built a team on earth, I see a reflection of the relationship He has always had with the Father and the Spirit. The Gospels don’t spell that out, but I think it’s divine design on display.

As Jesus was stepping into His earthly ministry, He didn’t move through life in isolation. He moved through life in intentional relationships. And when you study His life, you see something powerful. Jesus had circles. He loved everyone. He served everyone. But He did not give everyone the same level of access.

Let me say this slowly because some of you need this freedom: Everyone can be loved. Not everyone gets locker-room access.

1. Jesus had the crowds. He preached to them. He fed them. He healed them. But they didn’t carry His inner world.
2. He had the seventy-two. Ministry partners. People moving in mission with Him.
3. He had the twelve. His core team. Walking with Him daily.
4. And then He had the three. Peter. James. John. They saw moments others didn’t see. They were invited into deeper spaces.
5. And then He had His favorite…

Was it Peter? “Upon this rock I will build my church.” Peter’s like, “That’s me. I’m the rock. Obviously. Did you guys hear that? Rock.”

Or was it John? Because John keeps referring to himself in his own Gospel as… “the one Jesus loved.” I always laugh when I read that. Imagine writing your own nickname into Scripture. John’s like, “Peter denied Him, I’m just saying… I’m the one He loves.” You know Peter read that later like, “Cool, John. Cool. Good for you, man.”

But here’s the point. Jesus loved them all deeply. But He didn’t give everyone the same level of access. Even within the twelve, you see nuance and boundaries and wisdom. That’s not favoritism. That’s health.

Some of us are exhausted because we’re trying to give everyone
the same level of access to our life. You can’t do that and stay healthy. If you’re going to build your Avengers, you have to think in circles, not chaos. You don’t just let everyone into your inner world. You prayerfully, wisely, intentionally build. And that leads us to something practical. Because if you’re going to build wisely, you have to know who belongs on the team.

5. The 7 Relationships Of A Healthy Avengers Team

I want to give you something practical enough that you can actually write this down and think about it this week. Not just inspiration, but super practical handles and structure. If you’re building your Avengers, these are the seven relationships that help form a healthy, whole-person life.

1. GOD – THE CAPTAIN

This is first for a reason. Without Him, the rest becomes self-help. With Him, everything has direction.

• James 1 says if anyone lacks wisdom, ask God.
• Psalm 23 says He restores our soul.
• John 15 says apart from Him we can do nothing.

So before you ask, “Who are my Avengers?” ask, “Is God actually leading my life?” Because when God leads, He assembles the right people. He’s the one you go to war with. He’s the one you process with. He’s the one who tells you when to move, how to rest, who to forgive, where to heal. He is the captain.

2. YOUR SPOUSE AND FAMILY – YOUR HOME BASE

For many of us, this is huge. Your spouse. Your kids. Your home. This is the environment you live in every day. This is where life is happening in real time. And if this space is healthy, it becomes fuel for healing. If it’s unhealthy, it drains everything else.

Your spouse should be one of your greatest encouragers. One of your strongest supporters. A safe place to be known. Not perfect. But present. And your kids… they should bring life. They bring joy. They bring perspective. Sometimes they bring therapy without knowing it. You walk in the room heavy and they just want to show you a Lego creation that makes zero sense… and somehow your soul feels lighter.

Family can be a place of grounding. A place of laughter. A place of stability. This is your home base. And for those that don’t have this yet, believe that a healthy home base is possible.

3. YOUR PASTOR OR SPIRITUAL AUTHORITY

This one matters. You need someone in your life who can speak spiritually into your world. Someone you trust. Someone you can submit to spiritually. Someone grounded in Scripture. Someone who will tell you the truth. Not someone who just agrees with you. Someone who loves you enough to guide you.

Hebrews 13 gives us language for this kind of relationship. It says, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, since they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account.”

That’s strong language. They keep watch over your soul. Not your schedule. Not your preferences. Your soul. That’s not about control. That’s about covering. That’s about having someone in your life who loves you enough to help guard the direction of your life. Because left to ourselves, we all have blind spots. We all have moments where emotion takes over. We all have seasons where we justify things that aren’t healthy.

You need someone who can look you in the eye and say,
“I love you, but that path isn’t wise.”
“I care about you, but that decision is going to cost you.”
“You’re called to more than that.”

Not someone controlling your life.
Someone helping you guard your life.

Someone who helps anchor your life spiritually.

4. MENTORS – SOMEONE TO LOOK UP TO

Everyone needs someone ahead of them. Someone whose life you respect. Someone whose marriage you admire. Someone whose leadership you trust. Someone who has walked through things you haven’t yet.

Mentors give perspective. They give wisdom. They give vision for what’s possible. They’re not perfect. But they’re further down the road. They help you see what growth looks like. And sometimes they’re also the “king or queen” voice in your life, someone who can lovingly tell you “no.” Someone who can challenge you. Correct you. Refine you. Not harshly, but lovingly. That’s a gift.

5. FRIENDS WHO WALK WITH YOU

You need friends on the journey. Not just acquaintances. Not just Sunday conversations. Real friendship.

• Someone to laugh with.
• Someone to cry with.
• Someone to text when you’re spiraling.
• Someone who checks in on you.
• Someone who knows your life.

Ecclesiastes says, if one falls, the other lifts him up. That’s friendship. These are the people who help you stay faithful. Help you stay grounded. Help you stay honest. They’re in the trenches with you. Walking alongside you.

They’re also the people that keep you humble. You need someone that can tell you your fly is open or that you have a booger in your nose. You need someone that is championing your success, but not enamored by it.

6. PRACTICAL SUPPORT – PROFESSIONALS & HEALTH

This one gets overlooked spiritually and that’s a mistake. Sometimes healing requires counselors. Therapists. Doctors. Trainers. Coaches. And that’s not a lack of faith. That’s wisdom.

Luke, who wrote the Gospel of Luke, was a physician. God uses practical help as part of His healing process. If your body is struggling, get support. If your mind is overwhelmed, get support. If your emotions are stuck, get support.

God heals spiritually and works through practical means. Don’t neglect this part of the team.

I’m going to get super practical here:

1. Schedule that appointment with your primary care physician and tell them how you’re really doing.
2. Get a full blood panel and check your levels. Understand your baseline and get helpful insights.
3. Schedule an appointment with a christian therapist. Someone you can pay to talk to and ask intentional questions.
4. Talk to a wellness professional, either a nutritionist or health coach. Someone that can build better and healthier patterns in your routine.
5. Join a gym! Go on walks. Move your body. Get in the sun and fuel your body with good ol’ vitamin D. If needed, hire a personal trainer.
6. Depending on how the PCP and Therapist appointments go, you may need to meet with a psychiatrist. Someone who comes alongside the other avengers to help guide and navigate other medical treatment options. *(I want to say this loudly, if you need to be on medicine, that’s not a sign of a lack of faith. That could be the most faith filled decision you could make!)

7. If you have diabetes, you don’t just say, ‘I’m going to pray the insulin into my body.’ You pray… and you take the insulin.
   If your blood pressure is dangerously low, you don’t just journal about it and hope it rises. You thank God for modern medicine and you take the pill.
   If you have an infection, you don’t rebuke it for six months — you take the antibiotic.
   And if you’re over 35 and something random starts hurting for no reason… you take ibuprofen by faith.

   1. So why, when it comes to our brain… our mental health… our emotional health… Do we suddenly act like needing help is a lack of faith?
   2. God heals in many ways. He heals spiritually. He heals relationally. And sometimes He heals through wise, medical support. There is no shame in pursuing wholeness in every area of your life.
   3. The point is this, it’s possible that what you are dealing with is not seasonal or situational, but possibly an imbalance and a condition that medicine could help you. And I think we need to remove any stigmas related to mental health and modern medicine.
   4. Bring all the avengers on the journey. Steer clear from habit forming drugs if possible, do your research, and be honest and upfront with your goals.

7. PEOPLE YOU BUILD WITH

Everyone needs someone they’re building something with. Serving together. Leading together. Creating together. Pursuing purpose together. Because healing doesn’t just happen through introspection, it happens through mission. There is something powerful about moving forward with others. It reminds you that your life has purpose, that your pain doesn’t define you, and that God still has plans for you.

You need people in your life you can laugh with, build with, and go to war with spiritually.

So here’s the question: who’s on your team, and who’s missing?

Not everyone has all seven relationships yet, and that’s okay. This is something you build over time, prayerfully and intentionally. But as you build, you also build with discernment, because not everyone belongs on your Avengers team.

6. Not Everyone Makes The Team

Now this is the part we don’t always say out loud… but we need to. Not everyone belongs on your Avengers team. You can love everyone. Serve everyone. Forgive everyone. Be kind to everyone. But you cannot give everyone the same level of access to your life.

Because access equals influence. And if you give the wrong people too much influence, they can slow down the very healing God is trying to bring. Let me say this carefully and pastorally. Some people are not bad people. They’re just not healthy people for your season.

Some people are not evil. They’re just not wise. Some people love you… but don’t have the capacity to help you grow. And if you put them in places of deep influence, they can unintentionally keep you stuck.

• You cannot build a healthy future with people who are committed to your past.
• You cannot build wholeness with people who normalize dysfunction.
• You cannot build healing with people who avoid truth.

So when you build your Avengers, you’re not asking: “Who likes me?” You’re asking: “Who is helping me become whole? Who is helping me become faithful? Who is helping me become who God called me to be?” That’s a different question.

Have you ever noticed how some people say they want accountability… until accountability shows up? They’re like: “Bro, keep me accountable.” Then you ask them one real question and suddenly they’re gone for three weeks. You text them: “Hey man, how are you doing?” Read. No response. Seen. No response. Typing bubble… disappears. Left on READ.

Because we all love the idea of support until support requires honesty. Building your Avengers requires honesty. Not oversharing with everyone. Not being dramatic. But being real with the right people.

Story: I often talk to my kids about superheroes, one day we talked about what super power you would have if you were a superhero, and I think I said “I would want to fly.” But now, I think I would change my answer, honestly, at this age, I think I would say “A good night’s sleep.” talk about a super power!

The reality is that you’re not invincible. You need people. You need support. You need wisdom. And that’s not weakness. That’s maturity.

7. Jesus Still Builds Teams Today

Here’s what I want you to see. Building your Avengers is not a modern concept. It’s biblical. God has always worked and brought healing in the context of relationship. Moses had Aaron and Hur. David had Jonathan and his mighty men. Paul had Timothy, Barnabas, and Luke. Jesus had the twelve and the three. And you and I need people too. Not to replace God, but to walk with God.

Because there are two great realities in building your Avengers. There is a spiritual component and a relational component. God heals, God leads, and God directs. He is the source. But people often become part of His strategy as He brings that healing to our lives. So if you’ve been trying to heal alone, carry everything alone, and figure everything out alone, maybe today God is reminding you that you don’t have to do this by yourself anymore.

WHO IS ON YOUR TEAM?

Here’s what I want you thinking about
as you leave today:

Who is on my Avengers team?
Who do I need to invite in?
Who do I need to be honest with?
Where do I need support?

Some of you need to send a text this week.
Some of you need to schedule a conversation.
Some of you need to pursue counseling.
Some of you need to step back into community.
Some of you need to stop hinting
and start being honest.

Not with everyone. But with someone. Because healing accelerates
when the right people are in the room.

And let me say this clearly: Building your Avengers doesn’t happen in a day. It happens intentionally and prayerfully over time.

But it starts with a decision.

“I will not do life alone.”
“I will not heal alone.”
“I will not carry everything alone.”

Closing: You Were Never Meant To Fight Alone

I want to bring this to a close with something I feel strongly. Some of you have been trying to be strong for a long time. Strong for your family, strong for your friends, strong for your job, strong for everyone. And you’re tired. Not just physically tired, but soul tired. Somewhere along the way you started believing that needing people was weakness. It’s not weakness, it’s divine design. You were designed for relationship, designed for community, designed to walk with others.

The enemy loves isolation because isolation keeps wounds hidden, keeps lies loud, and keeps people stuck. But healing happens in the light. Healing happens in honesty. Healing happens when the right people walk with you. As you begin to build your Avengers, God will meet you in that process. He will guide you to the right people and bring healing through wisdom, conversation, and community. You don’t have to do this alone. You were never meant to.

*Closing Prayer