What to Say and Pray

What people need in grief

I wrote this about Psalm 61:1 (opens the passage on Bible.com)-3:

"In times of grief and loss it can feel like our foundation has left us. What we thought we could count on is no longer available to us and we feel isolated and alone. This phrase 'lead me to a rock that is high above me' reminds me of three great needs I need in grief, a friend to walk with, a solid foundation to stand on, and a higher perspective on the situation. I need protection, I need direction, I need to know I'm not alone!"

Use those three needs as your plan for the visit.

• A friend to walk with. That is you, in the room.
• A solid foundation to stand on. That is the passage you read.
• A higher perspective. That is the prayer, and it comes last. Do not rush to it.

Grieve, feel, hope

"I prayed over this statement and felt like the Lord was telling me to grieve the past, feel the weight of the present, and look to the hope in the future."

"He wants to walk with you, He desires to comfort you, He loves you so much."

That is a good order for a hard conversation. Let them grieve what is lost. Let the weight of today be heavy. Then speak of hope. Hope spoken too early sounds like you did not hear them.

Things to say

• "I'm so sorry."
• "I'm here."
• "You don't have to say anything."
• "This is hard. It makes sense that you feel this way."
• "I don't have an answer for that. I'm not going anywhere."
• "Tell me about him." (after a death)
• "Can I read you something short and pray?"

Things not to say

• "I know how you feel."
• "Everything happens for a reason."
• "God needed another angel."
• "At least..." followed by anything.
• "Be strong."
• "You should..." about treatment, the funeral or how they grieve.
• Your own hospital story.
• Any explanation of why God allowed this.

Passages to read

Read from your own Bible. Pick one. Read it slowly. Do not preach it.

How to pray in the room

• Ask first: "What would you like me to pray for?" Then pray for that.
• Keep it under a minute for someone who is sick.
• Use their name. Use the names of the family in the room.
• Pray for the doctors and nurses.
• Ask God plainly for healing, comfort and peace. Leave the outcome with him. Do not promise what God has not promised.
• Do not use the prayer to say something to the family you would not say to their faces.

A simple shape for a bedside prayer

Write your own words into this shape before you need them.

1. Who God is. One sentence. He is near. He is faithful.
2. Who is in the bed. Name them. Say what they are facing in plain words.
3. What you are asking. Healing, relief from pain, wisdom for the doctors, peace for the family.
4. Trust. Place them in God's hands.
5. In Jesus' name. Amen.

When someone wants to give their life to Jesus

This will happen. A person facing death, or a family member in the hallway, asks you how to be right with God. Do not push it and do not miss it. Ask a plain question: "Have you ever put your faith in Jesus?" Then listen.

"The Bible tells us that we've all sinned and fallen short of God's glory. That's true of me, it's true of you, and it's why Jesus came. He lived the perfect life we could never live, died the death we deserved, and rose again so that anyone who places their faith in Him can be forgiven, made new, and welcomed into God's family."

"The words don't save you. Jesus does."

"It's not the prayer that saves you, but your faith, making Jesus Lord of your life. We don't let anyone go on the journey alone."

Prayer of Salvation

Jesus, I acknowledge that I need you I confess that I have sinned against you I believe that God raised you from the dead And right now, by faith, I say "Jesus is Lord" Thank you for forgiving me By your grace I am saved And by your power I am set free

• Pray it one line at a time and let them repeat it, or pray it with them if they cannot speak.
• Make sure it is their own decision. A person who is heavily medicated or pressed by family is not in a place to be pushed.
• Tell a family member, with the person's permission, so someone follows up.