You're Still The One: The Big "O"

March 30th, 2025/Casey Middle School

*Here To Stay // Commitment Sunday

To the Parents in the Room:

Before we begin today, I want to acknowledge that we have kids and students in the room. Parents, please know that this message will address the topic of sex—directly, biblically, and respectfully.

This is a conversation your kids are already hearing in schools, social media, music, and media. But today, we’re going to speak the truth where the world is sowing confusion.

That said, if you’d prefer for your child to be in a more age-appropriate environment, we encourage you to check them into our amazing PNWD Kids ministry. They’ll be loved and taught with excellence.

Two Rules before we go any further:

1. Focus on yourself. Don’t think “She needed to hear this” or “I wish he was in the room”. Think about how this affects you personally and spiritually.
2. Don’t look back. If you have made mistakes, then what I want you to take away is not guilt and shame. My hope is that you recognize we serve a God that forgives and restores. Let today be a “from this day forward” moment for you.

Question: Why address this now?

Because this is our reality:

• The average age of first exposure to pornography is 12 (Common Sense Media, 2022).
• In a 2015 UK ChildLine poll, a tenth of 12–13 year-olds feared they were already addicted to porn.
• *Sources: Bevill & Associates, Guardian, HLI.org*

This isn’t just a moral issue. It’s a discipleship issue. And it’s a Spiritual Battle!

Let’s be honest: If the Church doesn’t disciple this generation on sex and sexuality, the world absolutely will.

Let me show you what I mean—not to scare you, but to wake us up to the urgency of this conversation:

• In a 2002 poll of about 350 divorce lawyers, about two-thirds said the internet had played a significant part in divorces they handled.
• In those internet-related cases, 56% involved one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.
• 90% of teens and 96% of young adults are either neutral, encouraging, or accepting of porn use with their friends.
• *Sources: Covenant Eyes, AddictionHelp.com, Covenant Eyes Blog*

Now let’s zoom out further.

Think about Netflix, Hulu, Prime, & Max...

• It’s rare to find a show or movie today without explicit sex scenes or nudity. Watching naked people have sex on a pornographic website and watching naked people have sex in a movie/show, is still by definition, pornography.
• Britannica: Refers to pornography as the "representation of sexual behavior in books, pictures, statues, films, and other media that is intended to cause sexual excitement."
• These shows don’t just portray sex outside of marriage—they normalize and celebrate it.
• Right now, over 40% of children in the U.S. are born outside of marriage.

This is not just culture being culture. This is intentional, formative messaging being preached to adults, teens, and our children every day.

Story:

As a pastor, I’ve had the privilege of walking with people through life’s most joyful and most painful moments. And you know what I’ve found to be heartbreakingly consistent?

Most people have never been discipled when it comes to real-life issues like sex, relationships, dating, and God’s design for the body.

Where there’s a lack of discipleship, there will always be a lack of clarity. People are dating, marrying, and defining identity all based on their own rules. But we were never meant to make the rules—we were created to follow God’s design.

So here’s my challenge to you as we begin:

Stop playing by your own rules.

If you're a follower of Jesus, your life—including your body and your sexuality—belongs to God.

He has the final Word on sex.
He has the final say on marriage.
And His plan isn’t just right—it’s better.

• Today, we’re going to see that sex isn’t dirty—it’s divine.
• It’s not shameful—it’s sacred.
• It’s not taboo—it’s God’s idea, and He calls it good.

So let’s open up Song of Songs 4, and see what happens when we stop listening to culture and start walking in obedience to God's design.

Let’s get into the Word.

Passage: Song of Songs 4:1–8, 12, 15-16; 5:1 (CSB)
I was going to read out of the Amplified Bible, but I just wasn’t sure if you were quite ready for that

“How beautiful you are, my darling. How very beautiful!... Your hair is like a flock of goats... Your teeth are like a flock of newly shorn sheep...” - Song of Songs 4:1–5 (CSB)

This is not lust. It’s not objectification. It’s adoration, wrapped in poetic praise. It’s a husband cherishing his bride.

“You have captured my heart, my sister, my bride... How delightful your caresses are—more than wine.” - Song of Songs 4:9–10

He’s not just attracted—he’s captivated. That’s the beauty of covenantal love. Real love doesn’t just ignite your

“You are a locked garden, my sister, my bride...
Let my love come to his garden and eat its choicest fruits… Be intoxicated with caresses.” - Song of Songs 4:12–16

This is God-breathed Scripture.
This is in the Bible.
This is holy lovemaking between a husband and a wife—poetic, passionate, and pure.

“Eat, friends! Drink, be intoxicated with caresses!” - Song of Songs 5:1

Even God’s voice steps into the story with that last line—celebrating the covenant union. God isn’t awkward about sex—we are.

It’s hard to read this and think “this is only about how much Jesus loves me…”

Pray:

Title: The Big “O”

• No, it’s not a mathematical symbol for calculating algorithms.
• It’s not the nickname of a famous NBA Hall of Famer—shoutout to Oscar Robertson.
• And yes, it’s not what the world immediately thinks of when it hears that phrase—orgasm.

The Big “O” I’m talking about today—is Obedience. Obedience to God’s design. Obedience to His way. Obedience in every part of life—including your sex life.

Main Points:

1. GOD’S DESIGN

   1. This song is a poetic celebration of love, desire, and physical intimacy between a husband and wife. This is not just some guy trying to win over a girl over spring break—this is consummation after a wedding.
   2. In Song of Songs 3:11, we see the wedding of Solomon and his bride. Then in chapter 4, we move into the honeymoon scene.

   3. This aligns perfectly with the biblical pattern:

      1. Genesis 2:24–25 – “A man leaves his father and mother… and they become one flesh.” The one-flesh union follows the covenant.
      2. Exodus 22:16–17 – A man who seduces a virgin is expected to marry her.

      3. Hebrews 13:4 – “Let the marriage bed be undefiled.”

         4. In every biblical instance, sex is celebrated within marriage—and forbidden outside of it.
         5. Why?

      4. Because sex isn’t just physical—it’s covenantal. It’s the sealing of a promise.

         6. So as we read Song of Songs 4, we’re not peeking into something casual—we’re witnessing something sacred.
         7. Do not deprive one another
         8. “A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband... Do not deprive one another—except when you agree for a time to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” - 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 (CSB)

      5. Two Key Truths:

         1. Sex is a duty of love—not obligation, but joyful obedience.
         2. Withholding sex outside of spiritual fasting leaves space for temptation and division.
      6. Question:
         1. What is permissible in the bedroom?
         2. How often should couples have sex?
         3. All great questions… come back for our “You’re Still The One Q&R service” in a few weeks if you want to dive a little deeper.

2. CULTURE’S DISTORTION

   1. Culture says:

      1. “Sex is just physical.”
      2. “Porn is harmless.”
      3. “Marriage ruins the passion.”

      4. “You do you—don’t wait for commitment.”

         2. God says:

      5. Genesis 2:24–25 – "The two shall become one flesh... naked and not ashamed."

      6. Hebrews 13:4 – "Marriage is to be honored... the marriage bed kept pure."
      7. Ephesians 5:3 – "Sexual immorality shouldn’t even be named among you."
         3. Culture distorts. Covenant restores.
         4. Porn trains you to consume. God trains you to connect.
            Lust isolates. Love unites.

3. Our Responsibility

   1. When couples obey God’s plan for sex, the results are powerful. It produces:

      1. Oneness - “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.” - Genesis 2:24
      2. Protection - Do not deprive one another—except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” - 1 Corinthians 7:5
      3. Delight - “Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving deer, a graceful doe - let her breasts always satisfy you; be lost in her love forever.” - Proverbs 5:18-19
      4. Healing - Safe, consistent intimacy restores trust and closeness.
         2. Research such as the 2019 Ties That Bind study found couples who share their faith and worship together report higher sexual satisfaction.
         3. “Sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed between a husband and a wife in a monogamous, heterosexual marriage.” - Ps Gary Hamrick
         4. INVEST IN INTIMACY
         5. Communication
      5. Be open, gentle, honest. This would be a good date night conversation.
      6. Talk about preferences, struggles, needs.
         6. Pursuit
      7. Don’t stop dating. Dialogue daily, date weekly, depart annually. (Or quarterly if possible)
      8. Schedule time if needed—intentionality isn’t unspiritual, it’s wise. “How about Thursday” is not a terrible option!
      9. At the same time… create space for romance and spontaneity.
         7. Honor
      10. Value your spouse’s body as sacred. ( 1 Corinth 6:19-20)
      11. Sex is never transactional. It’s an act of giving, not taking. (1 Corinth 7:3-4)
      12. It’s not something to be used to manipulate, control, or punish. (1 Corinth 7:5)
          8. Pray
      13. Pray for continued attraction to your spouse and your spouse alone.
      14. Pray for the desire to increase for your spouse and your spouse alone.
          9. Protect

      15. Fill your mind with truth

          1. “Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.” - Romans 12:2 CSB 2. Guard your eyes and thoughts

          2. "You have heard that it was said, Do not commit adultery. But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." - Matthew 5:27-28

          3. “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.” - Job 31:1 NLT 3. Surround yourself with others pursuing purity

          4. "Flee from youthful passions, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." - 2 Timothy 2:22 4. Seek Christian Counseling

          5. For some, it might be wise to bring someone else in if there is difficulty in this area.

Closing Challenge:

Married couples—this week, make love on purpose. Not out of duty, but delight. Turn off the world, turn toward each other, and rediscover the garden God designed for your joy.

Prayer Focus:

• Healing from shame or wounds
• Freedom from addiction or secrecy
• Rekindled passion and intentionality
• Bold obedience to God’s plan for intimacy

Invitation:

If you want to make a decision to follow Jesus. Then join me and everyone else in the building as we pray out loud together. It’s not the prayer that saves you, but your faith, making Jesus Lord of your life. We don’t let anyone go on the journey alone. If you have faith in Jesus, then let’s join together as we pray…

Prayer of Salvation:

Jesus, I acknowledge that I need you

I confess that I have sinned against you

I believe that God raised you from the dead

And right now, by faith, I say “Jesus is Lord”

Thank you for forgiving me

By your grace I am saved

And by your power I am set free

Communion: 1 Corinthians 11:23-26 BI