You're Still The One: Love Through Adversity

April 6th, 2025/Casey Middle School

We’re working through the natural phases of a relationship, the pursuit, the promise, the passion, and now… the problem. I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this before, but no relationship is PERFECT! None. Zero. Instagram is fake.

There’s going to be things, small things, that will bother you about your spouse. *Me eating cereal… *The keys…

STORY:

Have you ever had one of those arguments that started with something tiny—like, “Where do you want to eat?” And suddenly, you're deep in an emotional standoff over who always makes the decisions and who never listens? “It would just be nice if you took initiative every once in a while!” It starts off casual. Sarcastic. Maybe even a little funny. But then it builds.

Let’s make it more real:

How many married people would admit that you’ve walked into church right after a full-blown heated argument in the car? The silent treatment walking up the sidewalk… The “we’re gonna talk about this later” under your breath… Then you walk in and hit your greeter with a “Bless you, brother!” It’s funny because… it's true.

But sometimes, it’s more than just that kind of tension. Sometimes the conflict runs deeper. Sometimes it's not a one-off disagreement, it’s a pattern. It's a wound. It's something that’s been building for months… maybe even years. You start to feel stuck. Frustrated. Alone in your own home.
You wonder, “How did we get here?”
And worse… “Can we ever get back?”

Here’s the good news:
Even the healthiest relationships will face adversity—but God never leaves us without hope.
He doesn't just give us romance. He gives us a picture of the way back.

He shows us how to pursue reconciliation, restoration, and real love that can stand the test of time. So if you’ve ever felt the tension… the silence… the door closed and your heart shut down, this next part of the love story in Song of Solomon is for you.

Tension Question: What if adversity isn’t a sign your relationship is broken, but an invitation to go deeper?

INTRO:

Let’s turn to Song of Solomon 5 and see what happens when conflict enters the love story—and what this poem can teach us about reconciliation, not retreat.

Passage: Song Of Songs 5:2-8 CSB

Pray:

Background:

Imagine this: It’s late. She’s in bed. All the text tells us is that she has already taken off her robe and washed her feet (5:3). Maybe the day has been long and she’s emotionally drained, mentally tired, and just needs some space. Then there’s a knock on the door. It’s him—her husband—showing up, ready to connect. But instead of leaping up and letting him in, she hesitates. Not because she doesn’t love him… but because she’s not feeling it at the moment. By the time she finally gets up to answer the door—he’s gone.

*The connection is missed—and so begins the first conflict in the book.
Now she’s frustrated, confused, and wondering where he went. So she gets up and goes looking for him. She’s vulnerable. Exposed. Emotionally raw. And instead of finding comfort, she faces rejection and pain. The guards even beat and wound her along the way (5:7). Eventually, though, they reconnect. They speak words of affirmation. They rebuild what was lost. And their love becomes even more secure than it was before the conflict ever happened.

This part of the story is real, raw, and deeply human.
*It’s the moment where romance meets reality.
Where pursuit and passion give way to miscommunication, disappointment, and unmet expectations. But it’s also the moment where love chooses to press in rather than pull away. This section of Song of Solomon moves from unity and intimacy to conflict and disconnection—and then, back to restoration.

This is real. It’s not a Disney love story—it’s covenant love that walks through difficulty.

Title: The Problem: Love Through Adversity

Big Idea: Conflict isn’t the enemy of love—avoidance is. Strong relationships fight for each other, not against each other.

Main Points:

1. Great Love Stories Still Have Problems

   1. “I was sleeping, but my heart was awake… My love was knocking.” (5:2)
      1. She delays. He leaves. They’re both hurt. A missed moment of connection turns into a deeper conflict.
      2. Wiersbe says, “Familiarity led to indifference.” Sound familiar?
      3. They miss the moment. Disappointment settles in. Distance is created.
      4. This isn’t a break-up. It’s a breakdown. A missed connection. And it happens to every couple—yes, even the ones who post Bible verses and beach selfies together.
   2. We need to dismantle the lie that says “If we were really in love, it wouldn’t be this hard.” Because real love isn’t perfect—it’s persistent.
   3. Big Truth: Comparison kills connection.
      1. We see other people’s highlight reels, and we assume their relationship is smooth, effortless, and Instagram-filtered. Meanwhile, we’re dealing with tension over groceries, schedules, and unmet expectations.
      2. “A strong relationship requires two people who choose to keep showing up—not two people who always get it right.”
   4. Application:
      1. Stop comparing your real relationship to someone else’s curated version.
      2. Stop expecting struggle-free love—it doesn’t exist.
      3. Start asking: Are we choosing to grow through the problems—or just wishing we didn’t have them?
      4. What if your conflict isn’t proof that it’s not working… but proof that there’s something worth fighting for?

2. Reconciliation Requires Real Communication

   1. “I opened to my love, but my love had turned and gone away.” (5:6) “My soul failed at his departure… I sought him.”
      1. She doesn’t stew in bitterness—she pursues reconciliation.
      2. In chapter 6, he returns with gentle words: “You are as beautiful as Tirzah, my darling…” (6:4) “My perfect one is the only one…” (6:9)
      3. Quote: “Truth without love ruins the oneness, and love without truth gives the illusion of unity but actually stops the journey and the growth. The solution is grace.” – Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage
   2. The conflict happens. The connection is missed. But here’s what’s powerful—they don’t ghost each other. They pursue each other. And they speak life. Here’s how I’d apply that: the path to reconciliation doesn’t start with a solution. It starts with a conversation.
      1. Big Truth: You can’t heal what you’re not willing to talk about. And most of us don’t need more passion—we need better communication.
   3. Sound familiar?
      1. “We’re not fighting, but we’re not really talking either.”
      2. “We’re having the same fight over and over, just with different topics.”
      3. “It’s like we speak different languages.”
   4. Let’s get practical. Real reconciliation requires intentional communication. Not surface talk. Not passive silence. Not yelling. Just real connection.
   5. Practical Tools For Communication
      1. Ask quality questions
         1. “The one who gives an answer before he listens—this is foolishness and disgrace for him.” – Proverbs 18:13 (CSB)
         2. Stop trying to win the argument. Start trying to understand the heart.
         3. Ask:
            1. “What did I say that hurt you?”
            2. “What did you mean when you said _______?”
            3. “Is there anything I can do differently to support you better right now?”
            4. “How is the pace of our life affecting our connection?”
            5. Quality questions unlock real answers.
      2. Extend grace, give space
         1. “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” – 1 Corinthians 13:7 (CSB)
         2. Not every disagreement needs a dramatic debate. Sometimes healing starts with grace and breathing room. You don’t need to talk about it right now—but you do need to let your heart stay open.
         3. What would it look like for me to choose grace before defensiveness this week?
      3. Learn a new language
         1. Learning the language of love takes time—and immersion. It’s not just about saying the right words—it’s learning to speak with honor, respect, and empathy.
         2. Some of us need to unlearn sarcasm and relearn sincerity. Unlearn defensiveness and relearn curiosity. Unlearn criticism and relearn encouragement.
         3. God’s Word is your language guide. The Holy Spirit is your translator. Grace is your accent.

3. Restoration Is Possible After Conflict

   1. “I belong to my love, and his desire is for me.” (7:10)

      1. This is a resurrected kind of love—one that went through adversity and came out more beautiful.
      2. Wiersbe says: “The world is not a haven for lovers… but you and your spouse can be a haven for each other.”
      3. “Bear with each other and forgive… Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)
         2. Application:
      4. Forgive like Jesus forgave you.
      5. Practice saying “I’m sorry” quickly and “I forgive you” often.
      6. Choose restoration over resentment, every time. One caution: abuse is not ordinary conflict. If you are being harmed, getting safe and getting help comes first.
         3. Questions to ask yourself:
      7. Am I holding onto a grudge that’s blocking intimacy?
      8. There’s a statement someone told me once “Do you want to be right—or do you want to be happy?” I think the better question is “Do you want to be right --- or do you want to be reconciled?”

Closing:

Conflict will happen.
But conflict isn’t the killer of love—avoidance is.
Don’t let silence, pride, or unspoken expectations rob you of the intimacy God intended.

A successful marriage is not defined by the absence of conflict, it is defined by the presence of commitment.

Walking Points:

1. Conflict is normal. Running from it isn’t.
2. Reconciliation doesn’t start with feelings—it starts with humility.
3. Love that lasts is built on grace, not perfection.

Invitation:

If you’ve never experienced the love and forgiveness of Jesus—that love that fights for you even when you’ve failed—today’s the day.

Let’s all pray this out loud, together:

Prayer of Salvation:

Jesus, I acknowledge that I need you

I confess that I have sinned against you

I believe that God raised you from the dead

And right now, by faith, I say “Jesus is Lord”

Thank you for forgiving me

By your grace I am saved

And by your power I am set free