Love Stuck: My Intentions

October 13th, 2022/The Brook

Intro:

Our Story (5 min)

• Where we were individually before dating
• How we met
• Practically how we dated
• Image: FB Image
• Image: Picture of family

Healthy relationships are either built by design or disregard.

Passage: James 4:1-3 CSB

What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don’t they come from your passions that wage war within you? 2 You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and wage war. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.

Pray:

Title: Dating Profile

Being the person you would want to marry.

Intention Definition: a thing intended; an aim or plan.

Everybody say “These are my intentions…”

What are your intentions?

If we’re being honest, intentions often get a bad wrap. This word usually shows up after someone has made a horrible decision or said something hurtful. Granted, the statement “that wasn’t my intentions” might be true, but it never really seems to relinquish the consequences of our actions.

Big Idea: Intentions are great, but when they don’t produce the results you want, you need to reexamine what you are doing. A lack of clear intentions creates a sequence of severe consequences. I want to help you define your intentions today and give you some biblical handles on how to set a clear plan of action in your relationships.

Let’s help to define the “I’m sorry, that was not my intentions” statement. And let’s take a step toward healthier relationships.

3 Things holding you hostage from the dating life you have dreamed of.

We want to help you get unstuck from….

Comparison, control, complacency.

Main Points: These are my intentions…

1. Stuck on Comparison

   1. Moving from comparison to celebration
   2. 2 You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and wage war. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.

2. How Does this help/hinder me with dating?

   1. Helps - Focuses efforts on where you and where you’re going verses where other people are and where they are going.
3. If you have a hard time celebrating others, you are going to have a hard time being celebrated.
4. A lot of people are stuck because you are comparing to others love (Sadie and Christian), so even if you got what you are seeking after than you really didn’t get what you want anyway. You will arrive one day with empty gratification.
5. When you are comparing you are living for something other than love, you are living with intense insecurity about yourself.
6. Practical: celebrate when others go on dates and get engaged, celebrate when you get asked out on a date verses comparing how other guys asked your friends out and you say no because their way wasn’t as cool.
7. Example: Celebration is beautiful. Celebration looks good on you. Think of the weddings you have recently been to, you know there is that person sitting in the corner that is just mad and angry that it wasn’t their turn yet. Celebration reveals confidence, a trust in God, and belief in others.
8. Some of you need to be the best version of you and stop looking for the best version of you in others.
9. Example : addiction to pornography but looking for someone sexually pure.
10. You want what you’re not willing to live.
    1. If you’re not ready to die than you are not ready to dance.
    2. If you’re not willing to sacrifice, than you are not ready for a soul mate.
11. Comparison lowers your perspective and leads to envy, celebration raises your perspective and leads to contentment, joy, and fulfillment

12. “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony!” Psalms 133:1

13. Stuck in Control

    1. Moving from Control to Confession
    2. 6 But he gives greater grace. Therefore he says: God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. 7 Therefore, submit to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

14. How Does this help/hinder me with dating?

15. Some of you are stuck in your sin and others in your mindset.

16. 3 things that might have you stuck:

    1. Sin (stronghold in your life)
    2. Season ( moments of growth, transition, job change)
    3. Circles ( you don’t have good people around you, areas where people share your values)

17. Examples: “If you would be more loving then maybe I would be more thoughtful!”, “You need help!”, or “If you would be a different person then maybe we could make this work.”

18. Illust: I can’t even begin to tell you all of the times where I have fought the battle of pride and arrogance in my relationships. If only I could get them to change, then maybe this can work.

    1. The most effective way to change someone is not through human effort, but through fervent confession and supplication.
    2. Confession leads to submission and produces healing and power in your life.
    3. Regardless of past- claim identity in Christ. You are deserving of someone to love you.

    4. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” - 1 John 1:9

    5. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect.” - James 5:16

    6. I have something in my eyes…

    7. “Why do you look at the splinter in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the beam of wood in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye,’ and look, there’s a beam of wood in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First take the beam of wood out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the splinter out of your brother’s eye.” - Matthew 7:3-5

    8. Someone living by conviction is more attractive than someone living by charisma.
    9. Before you try and control the people around you and condemn others behavior, first spend time examining and confessing your own sins. Then you will feel freedom from control and will start to experience the freedom in forgiveness.

19. Stuck in complacency Move from being complacent to committed

    1. 17 So it is sin to know the good and yet not do it.

20. How Does this help/hinder me with dating?

21. To the one dating: stop playing around.

22. Your desires don’t match your actions.
23. Examples: “It’s never going to get better.”, “It’s not worth it.”, “I’ll never have those kinds of relationships.”
24. This is the person who has chosen to settle. Settle in rhythms, patterns, habits, same places…
25. The definition of complacency is self sustained. One could also call this pride.
26. Getting your foot stuck in mud… you are actively trying to get out but some of you are laying in the mud tonight, wallowing thinking this is your best life.
27. It’s hard to pursue someone standing still.
    1. Example: my wife literally made me run after her…

28. Getting unstuck in complacency:

    1. Purpose - discover that God has a plan for your life. Kingdom purpose
    2. Passion - get some passion for that purpose
    3. People- put people around you that are not living complacent , that are living for Jesus, and are ready to live with purpose and on mission.

29. Stuck in Criticism

    1. Move from criticism to complimenting

11 Don’t criticize one another, brothers and sisters.

1. Examples: “I’m just a truth teller.”, “Did you hear about ________, I can’t believe he would say that.”, “The music was too loud, the sermon was too long, and the parking lot was muddy.”
2. You will never lose helping someone else win.
3. “Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10
4. You may have a lot of enemies in this world, but none of them are in this room. We are going to be for you, walk the journey with you, and point you to Jesus!

5. It’s easy to be a critic, it takes effort to be an encouragement.

   1. You need those people in your life that will pull the shine out of a cloudy diamond.
   2. You need those people in your circle that will stand up for you when the rest of the world is falsely accusing you.
   3. You need those people in your world that will crawl with you in the valley and run with you on the mountain top.
   4. “There’s more in you than you think!”, “You’re just getting started!”, “The best is yet to come!”

6. Stuck on Compromise

   1. Moving from Compromise to Conviction
   2. 4 You adulterous people! Don’t you know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? So whoever wants to be the friend of the world becomes the enemy of God.
   3. How Does this help/hinder me with dating?
   4. Examples: “I didn’t mean to slip again and cause you so much pain.”, “I didn’t mean to take it that far.”, or “How did we get here.”

   5. The Relationship Formula (Dr. Jack Schafer The Like Switch)

      1. Friendship = Proximity + Frequency + Duration + Intensity

      2. Now let’s unpack your relationships with this formula.

         1. Relationship with God: How close are you in your proximity to God? If you want to get close in proximity then you lean in to His Word and prayer. How frequently are you setting aside time to be with God? How long are you sitting in prayer? At what intensity are you pursuing a relationship with God?
         2. Relationship with people: What relationships are in close proximity in your life? How frequently are you spending time with those that sharpen you and build you up? What’s your intensity in conversations? Is it always shallow or do you go deep?
            6. The best way to prevent compromise is to communicate boundaries and expectations. “This is where God is calling me to go.”, “This is where my allegiance lies.”, “This is who God has called me to be.”

      3. Illust: early conversations with my wife. On the phone for house talking about our relationship with God and our calling.

      4. When you set clear expectations on the front end, then you can set clear boundaries to prevent you from compromise in the end.
      5. Always share those boundaries with people closest to you for personal and ongoing accountability

Pray: