Family Matters: High Love // High Discipline

April 30th, 2023/Casey Middle School

Be anxious for nothing

No weapon formed against me shall prosper

I can do all things through Him who gives me strength…

The root word of discipline is “disciple,” which comes from the Latin word discipulus meaning “learner” or “student”.

The word “discipline” is from the Latin word disciplina, meaning “instruction and training.” It is derived from the root word discere—”to learn.”

“Learning that molds character and enforces correct behavior;” - Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible

Honor your father and your mother so that you may have a long life in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. - Exodus 20:12 (5th Commandment)

How can children know how to honor their father and mother? They must be trained and instructed.

Start a youth out on his way; even when he grows old he will not depart from it. - Proverbs 22:6

Train them in love, with discipline, and towards honor.

God disciplines His children:

Discipline was exercised by God over Israel, over nations, and over individuals. God’s discipline is for human flourishing, maturation, building faith, sanctifying sins, and it’s for His glory.

There’s a difference between God’s discipline, God’s judgment, and the reality of the mystery of the unknown. Not all pain is discipline, not all loss is God’s judgment, not every letdown is a direct result of anything we have done. But God can work all things out for our Good and His glory.

Title: High Love // High Discipline

Passage:

“My son, do not take the Lord’s discipline lightly or lose heart when you are reproved by him, 6 for the Lord disciplines the one he loves and punishes every son he receives. Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? 8 But if you are without discipline—which all receive—then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we had human fathers discipline us, and we respected them. Shouldn’t we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but he does it for our benefit, so that we can share his holiness. 11 No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. - Hebrews 12:5-11

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways know him, and he will make your paths straight. 7 Don’t be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil. 8 This will be healing for your body and strengthening for your bones. 9 Honor the Lord with your possessions and with the first produce of your entire harvest; 10 then your barns will be completely filled, and your vats will overflow with new wine. 11 Do not despise the Lord’s instruction, my son, and do not loathe his discipline; 12 for the Lord disciplines the one he loves, just as a father disciplines the son in whom he delights. - Proverbs 3:5-12

For a command is a lamp, teaching is a light, and corrective discipline is the way to life. - Proverbs 6:23

Pray:

Main Points:

1. Positive education and negative consequences:

   1. If you feel like you are constantly disciplining, then it is likely that you are neglecting to disciple. Teaching your children the Word of God and training them to hear the Holy Spirit is the primary way we reduce the need for disciplinary actions and encourage our children toward honesty, honor, and holy living.
   2. Story: training a horse using Pat Parelli style, we are as soft as possible, yet firm as necessary.

   3. We disciple as much as possible, and discipline as often as necessary.

      1. Discipline apart from discipleship will fix a behavior, but it can not positively shape the person they are becoming in Christ.
      2. Discipline apart from discipleship is disobedience to God. Ephesians 6:4 puts the two together: bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
      3. Discipleship apart from discipline is also disobedience to God.
      4. Discipleship with discipline honors God and demonstrates your love for your children.
         5. pics of characters
         6. Short term pain for long term gain.
         7. Talk about Love, Grace, and Offering Forgiveness
         8. “You deserve discipline, but I’m going to show you grace… Do you understand what grace means?”

2. Passages on Discipline

   1. “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” - Proverbs 13:24
   2. “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” - Proverbs 29:15
   3. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.” - Proverbs 22:15
   4. “Don’t withhold discipline from a youth; if you punish him with a rod, he will not die. 14 Punish him with a rod, and you will rescue his life from Sheol.” - Proverbs 23:13-14
   5. Discipline your child, and it will bring you peace of mind and give you delight. - Proverbs 29:17
   6. Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction, and don’t reject your mother’s teaching, 9 for they will be a garland of favor on your head and pendants around your neck. - Proverbs 1:8-9
   7. Discipline your son while there is hope; don’t set your heart on being the cause of his death. - Proverbs 19:18
   8. “Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed.” - Proverbs 27:5
   9. When you discipline, you should not discipline out of anger. You should only discipline out of love and a heart to bring wisdom. When you discipline you do not speak harshly, but through discernment and wisdom from God you speak truth in love.

3. A Message To Fathers

   1. “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” - Colossians 3:21
   2. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land. 4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” - Ephesians 6:1-4 CSB
   3. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him. - Psalm 103:13
   4. It’s a team effort. There should be alignment and agreement on the motivation, reasons, and methods.

4. Why do we choose to discipline our children?

   1. Teach them on small issues to prepare them for larger issues later in life
   2. Create boundaries for their safety and flourishing
   3. Instruct their social skills to make them a blessing in public places
   4. Because we love them
   5. To obey God

5. How to determine what actions or attitude is worthy of discipline?

   1. Disobedience
      1. If my kids are playing in the street, that is not worthy of discipline. If I have told them not to play in the street and then they do that action, it is now disobedience. They knew the boundary, and chose to disobey it.
   2. Disrespect
   3. Lying

6. Methods of Discipline (this is my application; the names are pictures of how God corrected His people, not parenting commands)

   1. Take things away - toys, devices (David)
   2. Remove privileges - free time, upcoming event, dessert (Moses)
   3. Added work load - more chores, (Adam)
   4. Spankings (Samson and many more)
   5. Verbal Correction (Prov 3:11)

Not Discipline:

1. Yelling (leaves the child in control of the environment and can cause unhealthy fear)
2. Shaming (shaming attaches the negative behavior to their identity)
3. Pushing
4. Slapping (using your hands across the face)
5. Countdown (delayed obedience, is disobedience)

Never in anger

Never in public

Never yelling, shaming, or using harsh words

Always promptly

Always consistent

Always offering complete forgiveness

Practically how:

1. Question: Why do you need to be disciplined?
2. Goal: to admit their wrongs and own their behavior
3. Question: What are the reasons we discipline in this house?
4. Goal: so that they can recall the standard in the home.
5. Question: Which reasons are you getting disciplined now?
6. Goal: to be specific and so that they can see consistency
7. Action: Discipline
8. Goal: the goal is a broken and repentant spirit (if your method of discipline does not produce repentance then what’s the point?)
9. Question: what do you need to say?
10. Goal: if there’s brokenness, then there will be a quick apology
11. Response: I forgive you.
12. Question: why does mommy/daddy have to discipline you?
13. Goal: training them to say “because you love me”
14. Response: I love you too much to allow you to ________. I love you and I forgive you.
15. Action: hold in lap or give a hug to demonstrate physical affection
16. Goal: to show your children the same love, compassion, and forgiveness that God offers you.
17. Response: “now go apologize to _______.” Or if that’s not necessary, “Now, go play.”
18. Goal: they are free to play and have fun knowing that I won’t hold this against them

Tip 2: on occasion… show grace. But when you show grace, make it a moment. “You deserve discipline, but I’m going to show you grace. Do you know what grace means?” Then you share the gospel.

Motivation for discipline:

Obedience to God

Love for the child

Hope for the future

“Discipline teaches us to operate by principle rather than desire. Saying no to our impulses (even the ones that are not inherently sinful) puts us in control of our appetites rather than vice versa. It deposes our lust and permits truth, virtue, and integrity to rule our minds instead.” - John MacArthur Jr.

I would rather be disciplined by a loving mother and father than beat by an unloving world.

How to explain discipline to your child:

1. If you’re walking in a harmful direction, and I don’t correct you, is that loving?
2. Mom and dad know best, and make decisions that are always to your benefit and protection
3. Immediate obedience is what God calls us to do, and we’re trying to teach you how to live that out with your parents so you will do that with your Heavenly Father

Closing: