Family Matters: A Rich Inheritance

March 26th, 2023/Casey Middle School

Story: Fight with my sister during a home visit from college. It was brutal and very intense. Lots of hurtful things said and done. Without getting into any details of the argument, also because I don’t really remember much of the details, the thing that I remember most is the response of my mom. In tears she came to meet me at the truck and pleaded with me to apologize and mend things with my sister.

She said “It’s okay to fight, but you cannot leave like this. You need to take a step to repair this.” Why would she be so upset and passionate about one single sibling blow up?! Because my mom understood the strength in family. Not just being family, but working through things, fighting for relationships even in the hard times, and not allowing time to tear us even further apart.

There’s nobody that can cut you deeper than those that are closest to you. Nobody can take you down a notch more than the ones that often love you the most. I want to start this series off by saying “Family is hard!” There’s no such thing as the perfect family. It is a commitment, a series of intentional decisions, and a core set of values that can keep a family healthy, growing, and united for the long haul.

Family is hard, and the enemy would love nothing more than to rip families apart, cause division and separation in a home, provoke anger and bitterness among siblings, and divide children from their parents. At Pinewood we are committed to God honoring marriages, God fearing children, and unity in the home. We believe in family because family matters to God!

Something For Everyone:

As we embark on this series over the next several weeks I want to emphasize the importance of these messages for everyone.

I believe there is great value when we show up. Your presence is an investment in your future. Imagine if instead of showing up to a counseling session you just said “I’m just going to YouTube a therapy session.”, or at your job you said “I’m just going to listen to podcasts on business.”, or maybe at your home you said “I’m just going to study parenting, but not prioritize being present for my family.” It would be a grave mistake and would ultimately lead to an unsatisfied life and a series of unfortunate decisions.

Hebrews 10:23-25 speaks to this reality in our lives. “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, 25 not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.”

So my encouragement is this: let's make a commitment to come together weekly and really lean into the fellowship of the saints, prayer, worship through songs, the teaching of God’s Word, and the confessions of our faith. I believe God wants to strengthen our marriages, families, and the church. I believe that this is a timely series in this *cultural moment* and my hope is that as God speaks, our marriages, families, and homes are strengthened by His power.

I believe that the church is called to bring clarity and truth in the midst of confusion and lies.

The one that designs it, gets to define it. God‘s truth does not shift or blend with culture, it is steadfast and unwavering. It brings hope, joy, and life to all who obey.

To those not married and/or without children:

Not everyone is supposed to get married. So some of the biblical truths may not apply to your personal lives directly, but they will give you tools to help you pray for other married couples, pray for children, and give you wisdom for wise counsel.

Also, I recognize that not all married couples are able to have children or have chosen not to have children. But we see in God’s Word that all people should value children, pray for them, set good examples, and see that they are cared for and maturing in their walk with Christ.

“Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. 6 “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” - Matthew 18:5-6

You also don’t have to have children of your own to play a significant role in the lives of children and future generations. A very close and dear friend of mine has helped to disciple countless young men in the Word of God and has helped them mature in their faith and today he carries a legacy as Spiritual father to so many that otherwise could have chosen a very different path for their lives. God has used him to play not just a significant role, but a transformative role that has greatly impacted the Kingdom of God for generations to come.

Paul did not have any biological children, but he invested in the next generation.

“You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.”

II Timothy 2:1-2 NKJV

So my encouragement over these next several weeks is that you would see the bigger picture of what God wants to teach you about marriage, children, and family, and your part to play in the Kingdom work God is doing all around you.

Passage:

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” - Proverbs 22:6 NKJV

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. 5 Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate.” Psalm 127:3-5 NKJV

Pray:

Title: A Rich Inheritance

Big Idea:

It was once asked of Ps Craig Groeschel, married to Amy Groeschel and they have six children that all love and serve the Lord, “What is the secret sauce to parenting?” And he said “you have to be value centered, and then be disciplined around them”

Children are a heritage from the Lord, a gift, and a great responsibility. As parents we are called to cultivate God honoring values in the home that will be passed on for generations. Values dictate what you say, what you do, how you spend your time and money, who you align with, how you discipline, and how you live.

Question: What are the values of your home?

The Rich Inheritance passed on to me is one that I long to pass on to my children as well. The values I’m going to share are both biblical and incredibly practical.

By no means was my childhood perfect, nor did my parents do things perfectly. I could divulge many stories of shortcomings and failures from the past and it might bring some solace to the conversation, but the reality is that none of us come from a perfect family line in this physical world, everyone is flawed and has fallen short. But the older I get the more I realize that I do believe they did their best and I’m very grateful for my history and their legacy.

I asked my mom what were some of the values and habits they committed to and cultivated in the home. I’m going to share some of her responses and highlight some takeaways for us today. You could title these “Wisdom from a God fearing mother”.

A HOME THAT HONORS GOD

1. A HOME OF HONOR

   1. “I wanted our home to be a safe space. So you all were never allowed to call each other names or attach labels. That’s why Ben made up words and we would end up laughing.”

   2. Honor will permeate through all of your relationships, but it will magnify in your home.

      1. We need parents that honor their children.
      2. Honor speaks potential and life into someone that has otherwise not been realized.

      3. “Honor is the currency of Heaven.” - Ps John Bevere

         3. To honor is to Value. To treat someone weighty, precious, and valuable. Honor builds up, it never tears down. It never talks down.

      4. God the Father to His Son “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” - Matthew 3:17

         4. I believe that it is also critical as parents that we create safe spaces for our children. Space for them to be themselves, flaws, failures, and all.

      5. Ps Erwin McManus says “If you don’t create the oxygen in the room for people in your life to figure things out then you will suffocate people out of your life.”

      6. I never want my children to feel like there’s an unrealistic expectation on their lives to be perfect.
      7. We often tell them “There’s nothing you could do that would ever make me love you more. And there’s nothing you could do that would ever make me love you less.”
      8. There is safety when you know you are fully known and fully loved. Doesn’t that sound like the love of the Father.

2. A HOME FILLED WITH LASTING MEMORIES

   1. “I knew you all would need each other as you grew up so I tried to create family memories and moments to build camaraderie between you.”
   2. One of our family values is “Create Moments”
   3. Question: When you are sitting around the campfire and your children are adults, what stories will you share?

   4. This is more than spending money, going on special dates, and buying gifts. This is about spending quality and meaningful time with your children laughing, crying together, and enjoying life.

      1. It’s been said that children spell love TIME. They need to know they are valued by how much you are willing to share your most valuable commodity… your time.

         5. A lot of people can build businesses, travel the world, speak on big platforms, create new inventions, and build impressive portfolios, but if you are a mom in the room, then nobody else can be mom for your kids. If you are a dad in the room, then you must accept and embrace the responsibility to be a dad and love your child or children.
         6. Eye to eye contact and a slower pace

      2. Getting eye to eye with them and practicing patience.

      3. When I listen, I understand and see their heart. Their hearts are moldable. I want to mold hearts not behaviors.
      4. When I react I force control and behavior modification. I desire heart modification over behavior modification.

3. A HOME OF WISDOM

   1. “I heard a sermon that guided me. As parents you should be firm, fair and fun. That was my goal.”
   2. She claims she heard this from a pastor in Chicago, but I’m pretty sure that is from Ps Jentezen Franklin who also said “We are to give them life. We are to give them love. We are to give them laughter.”
   3. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land. 4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” - Ephesians 6:1-4 CSB

   4. 5 P’s For Passing On Wisdom

      1. Parents Provide - “But if anyone does not provide for his own family, especially for his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” - 1 Timothy 5:8
      2. Parents Protect - Proverbs 4:10-19
      3. Parents Prepare - “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” - Proverbs 22:6 and Ephesians 6:4
      4. Parents Pray - Psalm 127:3, Isaiah 54:13
      5. Parents Profess - “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” - Romans 10:17

4. A HOME WITH GODLY EXAMPLES

   1. “I tried to respect you as individuals. Set an example of respect.”
   2. Your children will run in the direction that you walk. If this is true, then where are your children running?

   3. One of the most prominent reasons children that grow up in the church walk away from their faith is because the faith professed at church was not the faith practiced at home.

      1. Truth must be in you before it can be passed on to future generations.

      2. If you want to make the greatest impact on your children, then allow the Word of God and the Spirit of God to make a great impact in your life!

         4. Values are more caught than taught.

      3. “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.” - Proverbs 4:23 CSB

      4. “With my whole heart I have sought You; Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments! Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You.” - Psalm 119:10-11 NKJV

         5. See your children as individuals

      5. Each child has a way they receive love and affection.

      6. Each child has a way that they need to be disciplined.
      7. Each child has unique gifting and abilities.
      8. Each child has a unique calling on their life.
      9. I want each of my children to know they are seen for how God created them and deeply loved as they grow in their purpose.
      10. Each of my kids encounters Jesus differently. Sylah through worship, Zion through dreams, Neriah through logic, Cory through passion, and Ryan through prayer… I try to meet them where they are on their journey with Jesus and nurture them there.

5. A HOME KNOWN BY OUR LOVE

   1. “Be liberal with affection and “I love yous”. I never wanted there to be a doubt in your minds that you were loved.”

   2. I was listening to Aaron McManus share a story about his father Ps Erwin McManus and he said something that really struck me, speaking of when he was a child and seeing the love of his father he said “I don’t fully understand Jesus, but I understand love.”

      1. Question: Do our children see our love as a mother or father and truly understand the heart of the Father?

         3. Illust: Kids Bedtime Routine

      2. Relationships before rules (religion)

      3. Love before laws
      4. Belief before behavior
      5. Question: Do you see it? You can obey all the laws, make all the right decisions, but without a love relationship with God, you have missed the most important thing.
         4. Instruction without adoration will lead to obedience without desire. Adoration without instruction will lead to desire without obedience.
         5. God is calling us to both conviction and compassion.
         6. Family therapist Virginia Satir used to say we need four hugs a day for survival, eight for maintenance, and twelve for growth. They learn how to be secure in Jesus quicker when they know they are secure at home.

6. A HOME FULL OF HONESTY

   1. “Another thing I tried to do was work on each of your character flaws. That way we could all enjoy each other’s company. No one was constantly disruptive or irritating.”
   2. For the record, I was the one that was probably the most disruptive and annoying.
   3. We need to teach our children to name the lies and speak the Truth. Teaching them to decipher whose voice they are listening to and how to have a firm foundation on hearing the voice of God.

7. A HOME FILLED WITH LAUGHTER

   1. “And I tried to help each of you learn to laugh at yourselves. I struggled with being hard on myself and wanted to try and help you not take yourselves so seriously.”
   2. “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” - Proverbs 17:22
   3. You can always tell the security of the home by how the spouses and siblings laugh together and are able to carry moments with a light hearted spirit and confident spirit.

8. A HOME WITH DISCIPLINE

   1. “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” - Proverbs 13:24
   2. “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” - Proverbs 29:15
   3. “Correct your son, and he will give you rest; Yes, he will give delight to your soul.” - ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭29‬:‭17‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
   4. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.” - Proverbs 22:15
   5. “Don’t withhold discipline from a youth; if you punish him with a rod, he will not die. 14 Punish him with a rod, and you will rescue his life from Sheol.” - Proverbs 23:13-14
   6. When you discipline, you cannot discipline out of anger. You can only discipline out of love and a heart to bring wisdom. When you discipline you do not speak harshly, but through discernment and wisdom from God you speak truth in love.
   7. “Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed.” - Proverbs 27:5
   8. “My son, do not take the Lord’s discipline lightly or lose heart when you are reproved by him, 6 for the Lord disciplines the one he loves and punishes every son he receives.” - Hebrews 12:5-6
   9. “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” - Colossians 3:21
   10. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land. 4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” - Ephesians 6:1-4 CSB

9. A HOME COMMITTED TO GOD’S HOUSE

   1. Kids Who Become Active Christ-followers as Adults

      1. When mom and dad both go to church, kids are far more likely to follow Christ as adults.
      2. When only one parent goes, it still matters.
      3. Dads, your example carries real weight here.
      4. When neither mom nor dad goes, it is much harder for kids to find their way there.
         2. “And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” - Joshua 24:15 NKJV

10. A HOME OF GENEROSITY AND SERVING OTHERS

Closing:

“It is in the family that we preserve the best of the past and invest it in the future.” - Warren W. Wiersbe

I want to win at home, and I want to finish well. Is that your prayer as well?