Working With the Pastor and Hard Conversations

The group is for the pastor before it is over the pastor

• Act as an encourager to Lead Pastor
• Commit to pray consistently for Pastor, his family, the church, and local community
• Permission to speak into doctrine, health, family, and leadership.

Permission is the word to notice. The pastor gives it out loud, in the room, before anything is wrong. Then the group uses it.

Ask about health, not only results

The ultimate goal of our church is not growth, it is health. True health creates strength that sustains real growth. The grass is greener where you water it.

Questions to ask your pastor at every meeting. Pick two or three.

• How is your time with God?
• How is your marriage? How are your kids?
• When did you last take a real day off?
• What is weighing on you that nobody else knows?
• Is there anything you are hiding from this group?
• What are you teaching next, and is there anything in it we should talk through?
• Where do you need our help?

Who does what

Most trouble between a pastor and a board comes from nobody having said who decides. Decide ahead of time, in writing, which of these belong to the pastor and staff, which belong to the group, and which you do together:

• Doctrine and what is taught.
• Vision and direction.
• Hiring and releasing staff.
• The annual budget.
• The pastor's pay.
• Spending above a set amount. Decide the amount.
• Debt, property and leases.
• Church discipline.
• Concerns about the pastor.

Then check that list against your bylaws. If they disagree, ask a lawyer or your denomination which one governs and fix the other.

When there is a concern about the pastor

The MAC will address areas of concern related to narcissistic behavior, unhealthy habits, and unorthodox doctrine pertaining to the Lead Pastor, if these conversations are not received well and the problems continue, then…

Finish that sentence for your own church before you ever need it. Decide ahead of time:

• Who raises a concern, and with whom first. Read Matthew 18:15-17 (opens the passage on Bible.com) and 1 Timothy 5:19-20 (opens the passage on Bible.com) together.
• How many members must agree before the group acts.
• What happens if the pastor does not receive it and the problem continues.
• Who outside your church you would call for help, such as your denomination or network.
• Who tells the church, and what is said.
• How the pastor's family is cared for through it.

An accusation that someone has been harmed or a law broken is different. Decide ahead of time who you call. Do not handle it in house. Ask a lawyer or your denomination now what the law requires of you.

When the group disagrees among itself

• Say it in the room, not in the parking lot.
• Decide ahead of time how a tie or a split is settled.
• Once a decision is made, everyone carries it out of the room as "ours."
• What is said in the room stays in the room. Ask your lawyer or denomination whether members should sign a confidentiality agreement.

Sayings that help in the room

• Be a peacemaker. You are not a pot stirrer.
• Ask before you correct. Listen to hear, do not listen to respond.
• Discussions are for decision makers.
• Inspect what you expect.
• Leaders go first.