Rated R: Anger

Title: Anger Management

Story: “It’s not about the grilled cheese sandwich!”

Before marriage, Jess and I were two very independent people. Well after marriage too, but that’s besides the point. We were two people that managed our own lives, schedules, finances, etc. Also, we were both starting our own businesses and working very hard to see them both succeed and grow in our city. This create a lot of conflict for us.

I would get these calls from Jess where she would ask what time I would be coming home. I wouldn’t think too hard about my response and I would usually say “I don’t know, probably 5:30pm.” In my mind, it was 5:30ish. I was mainly focused on finishing the task at hand and ending my jobs at a good stopping point. Jess on the other hand, was focused on what… dinner.

Jess wanted to be the perfect wife and have dinner ready for me when I got home. She would then organize her whole day around me being home at 5:30. She would go get the groceries, get home early and clean up the house, she would start dinner, and then try her best to make sure dinner was hot and ready at 5:30. Meanwhile, I’m still on the job at 5:30 trying to wrap up and get home.

Around 5:45 I would get the text “Are you coming?” I wouldn’t think much of it and respond with “wrapping up, be home shortly” Little did I know that she had been waiting on me with a hot dinner and now it is cold. I would get home and she would be mad, I would be mad, and we would throw it down. I remember it getting so intense that were yelling at each other and I yelled “It’s just a grilled cheese sandwich!!!!”

How many of you know, it had nothing to do with the sandwich? Here was a classic case of us both saying “I’m trying here!” I was trying to provide for the family by working hard and she was trying to be the best wife and provide for her husband and now we’re both angry at each other. Seems like a silly thing now to fight about, but aren’t most things we get angry over start small? It starts small, but it escalates quickly!

Passage: Numbers 20:9-11

So Moses took the staff from the Lord’s presence just as he had commanded him. 10 Moses and Aaron summoned the assembly in front of the rock, and Moses said to them, “Listen, you rebels! Must we bring water out of this rock for you?” 11 Then Moses raised his hand and struck the rock twice with his staff, so that abundant water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank.

Pray: (Pause 3-5 seconds)

Background:

Moses is a significant figure in the bible, especially the Old Testament. Moses is mentioned 772 times in 710 verses in the Old Testament and 79 times in the New Testament. He experienced first hand incredible signs and wonders of God. He was a prophet to the nation Israel and 40 years earlier had led them out of slavery to move to the Promised Land. But in that 40 year time period they wandered in the desert and everyone was on edge!

Before we unpack this test and talk about the way Moses responded to the chaos around him, I want to first look at the different ways we get angry...

Types Of Anger:

1. Explosive

   1. “I say what’s on my mind” & “I couldn’t control myself”.... “Listen, YOU REBELS!”
   2. Illust: Me punching out my windshields in my jeep

   3. Implosive

   4. “I just keep it to myself” & “I don’t want to offend anyone”

   5. Implosive anger gets worse over time if not properly dealt with can quickly lead to bitterness and even greater outburst of anger.
   6. These are the stories that you hear when people say “I thought that everything was ok and then they walked out on me.” When anger is not exposed or properly addressed, the result is equally devastating.

   7. Aggressive

   8. You may not explode, but people definitely know you’re angry.

   9. Aggressive anger is anger under the surface. There’s something going on in your soul that leads you to consistent aggression towards others and certain circumstances.

   10. Passive-Aggressive

   11. Indirect resistance or total avoidance of confrontation.

   12. This is the slow drip anger that never confronts the person or situation.
   13. This is the person that will stop doing a good job in an area for a long time, then it will come out later that they were ultimately angry at you.
   14. Which one is more healthy? Which one carries the most devastating consequences? I would propose that each has equal negative effects on your life, your future, and others around you.

Main Points:

1. Grace & Space (Dealing with the reality)

   1. People are going to wrong you! Friends are going to wrong you! Spouses are going to wrong you! This is the reality.
   2. Question: How do we handle relationships, when people are constantly wronging us?

   3. Illust: Draw the picture

      1. Perfect (this sermon is not for me), Trying (I needed to hear this), Apathetic (I like my anger)

         4. Was Moses right to get angry? Was Moses right to disobey and dishonor God?

      2. There’s a question that is very controversial in the Christian world, “Is it a sin to feel anger?” Or in other words, are there certain emotions that are off limits for Christians?

         5. Grief can often lead to outburst of anger and bad decisions

      3. Moses and Aaron lost their older sister Miriam after landing in Kadesh. It’s possible that they were still very much grieving the loss of their sister.

      4. Slow Down & Step Back (Practical next steps)

         1. Time and distance help offer new perspective on situations that feel urgent or escalating. If Moses had stepped back and slowed down, he would have remember the provision of God. He would have realized the depravity and desperation of the people. But instead in a fit of rage, he disobeyed God and therefore suffered the consequences of his actions.
         2. What does the proverbs say?

      5. “A patient person shows great understanding, but a quick-tempered one promotes foolishness.” - Proverbs 14:29 CSB

      6. “A person’s insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense.” - Proverbs 19:11 CSB
      7. “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise person holds it in check.” - Proverbs 29:11
      8. Are you quick tempered, easily offended, or giving way to anger? The Scriptures teach that these things are for the foolish, not the wise.
         3. There’s no growth in relationships without grace.
         4. Application: Don’t make decisions in the valley
         5. “Be angry and do not sin; on your bed, reflect in your heart and be still. Offer sacrifices in righteousness and trust in the Lord.” - Psalms 4:4-5

      9. Trust God & Forgive Others (The deeper issue)

         1. A lack of self-control is a lack of trust. A lack of peace is a lack of forgiveness.
         2. “Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.” - Ephesians 4:31-32

      10. Illust: bitterness is like drinking rat poison thinking you’re going to harm the other person.

          3. Application: Forgive quickly, respond slowly.

      11. Forgive before you expect others to apologize.

      12. Forgiveness is your responsibility… it’s not about the other person!

          4. Story: Woman who forgave someone that murdered her father.

      13. Forgiveness offers freedom from anger, bitterness, and contempt.

      14. Is that setting someone off the hook? NO! It’s setting you free! It’s showing the LOVE of Christ by demonstrating a life that is Spirit filled and full of grace!

Closing:

Does somebody that is angry have the fruits of the Spirit? love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control?

Invitation:

The one person that had every right to be angry… that had been lied to, rejected, condemned, ridiculed, spit on, abused, and mocked. The one that carried the sin of the world on His shoulders. The one that said “I see your sin, and I forgive you still.” Jesus! He is the one that chose not to be angry, but instead to give grace. Overwhelming and never ending grace!

Through His death, burial, and resurrection he’s saying “come to me.” “Give your anger to me.” “You can forgive others because of me, you can heal because of me, you can find freedom in my name.” Will you turn to Him tonight? Will you lay your anger at His feet?

Let’s pray.